Slowly fading... =(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 28, 2008.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    My friendships, at least the ones with mates whom I don't see regularly irl, seem to be fading away.
    I know it's all my fault really. I just don't have the time and energy to keep in touch with people over MSN and GoogleTalk and all... :sad:

    It's like... In the mornings I don't have time to be on MSN or anything. I barely got time to check my mail then (even this which I'm typing now, I don't actually have a lot of time for, but fuck it, I've been late for therapy the entire week, so what's one more day). When I get home from therapy, I switch my computer on, sometimes quickly check my mail, but usually not, and I go back downstairs to hang on the couch, because that's all I 've got the energy for. Honestly if I could sleep then and still be able to sleep at night also, I'd probably just go sleep for a few hours then every day.
    About 10pm or so I go upstairs because I get tired, and usually watch one or two episodes from a TV Show. I sometimes notice people talking to me on MSN, but I just don't have the energy to talk. Even if I feel shit, I don't talk to people on MSN anymore. I just can't. Don't know what to say. Don't have the energy, and besides, no matter what I say it'll never be good enough anyway.
    Now I'm slowly losing all my friends. People don't initiate conversations with me on MSN anymore, and if they still do I know they will stop at some point. What's the point in talking to someone if they never reply? I don't blame them you know.
    I'd have the energy to talk to people on Skype, but if I'm on there, nobody else is.


    Why do I have so fucking little energy. I don't understand.
    I don't want to lose my friends. I don't.
    I just want the energy to be able to talk to people again :sad:
     
  2. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what u say to some extent. I have lost my friendships coz I stopped talkin to people, I didnt necessarily STOP because of lack of energy, but Im certainly missin the energy to get them going again. I know I could, or could have at some point, but I felt like with all the changes in my life and personality during the time I didnt talk to people, we had lost touch not just contact but touch of who we are and what we go through.. and I couldnt be bothered tellin it all, everything that happened to me in the mean time so I was just l like..ah well, no point.. so now Im alone, and to a certain extent its my fault. Id like to tell u make the effort and bring urself to get urself together and keep the friendships alive, but I know that is so much easier said than done. Sorry I cant really help, but I wanted to let u know ur not alone in this :hug:
     
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply, Scouse :hug: It means a lot to me.

    With me there's also a bit going on of what you said. Basically I had two online groups of friends. People from SF and people from a message board for fans of a certain artist.
    I've slowly lost contact with the people from that other message board, because like I said, I don't have any energy for it..
    With people from SF, it's also that, but there's more. I've also lost contact with many of them when I got banned from this site. Some tried contacting me then, through msn and all, but I was so angry with everything and everyone, that I just kept pushing most of them away. I realized after I got banned, that I had most contact with people from here, through sf chat. I didn't even have the msn and all of some of them, I just spoke through sf chat. When that disappeared, due to my ban, I lost contact with quite a few people.
    And now, 7-8 months later, I'm back here, and there's so much that has happened... I wouldn't even know where to start about things going on in my life. Also I've changed a lot. I'm not the person I was back then. Well obviously I still am, in many aspects, but also in so many aspects, I've changed a whole lot. I'd say I've grown a lot, emotionally.
    (And of course this place has changed a lot. Members I used to talk to on a daily base here, seem to have disappeared, loads of new members here. I feel like a complete newbie again :laugh: )


    So yeah, I also recognize what you are talking about.
    Once again thanks for the reply, it means a lot to me :hug:
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Est don't worry too much, therapy takes its toll on a person so of course all you want at the end of the day is to crash :hug:
    I have Jacques msn and probably a couple of others, I know you used to get on well with Kurt (not BP the other Kurt).
    Getting back into the swing of things might take a while but you'll get there :hug:

    Meanwhile.....there's always me :laugh:
     
  5. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member


    :hug: glad I could do something :)
     
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :laugh: Thanks, Terry :hug: I won't be online again this weekend, but I'll talk to you next week, hopefully :smile:
    :hug:

    Thank you :hug:
     
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: AwesomEst. :nono: No feeling like a newbie, you aren't. :laugh::bleh:

    And I know the feeling of the complete lack of energy. :hug:
     

  8. :sad:

    Even though Ester and I had our arguements, we still were friends. We even were going to get married at one point, lol.

    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=24598&highlight=Marriage
     
  9. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :laugh: omg I completely forgot about that! lol
     
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh God BP I didnt mean she didnt like you too:eek:hmy: I wrote that wrong:blink:
    Just meant I had the other Kurt's msn if Est wanted it.:laugh: