Slowly Understanding Nothing.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Boo Boo, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. Boo Boo

    Boo Boo Member

    Like one quote I saw on here, "You don't have to be alone to be lonely."... that's exactly how I feel. I have people I can to talk to, but I'm stuck in a vicious circle. Some days I'm content with where I am, being used to the feeling, but most often I'm thinking, lost in my own world of whys and what ifs. Everything I do I feel I could have done better or said something different to make a different impression or different outcome of a situation. When I start to over analyze, I tell myself over and over, "STOP!!" but it only works for so long before I start looking at it from another angle. I know there's nothing I can do to change what has already been done, but that doesn't stop the thoughts. I'm looking for something... but I don't know what.

    One of my good friends tells me that I don't have a problem, I just think I do... The problem is that I think too much!! It's been that way since I was 16. I can distract myself but only for a short while; things aren't as enjoyable as they used to be. It's like I've lost myself, but instead of finding what I've lost, I'm trying to recreate it. Do I actually go out and do what I have planned out in my minds eye? No! I tell myself everyday that I'm going to do something different like "Gonna get up at 8, eat a good breakfast, get moving then work out." but end up not sleeping. I'm up for days doing my best to keep my thoughts from racing. Through the restless nights, it sometimes gets the best of me and my mind starts to drift where it shouldn't.

    It's been too frequent that I've thought of suicide and I know I shouldn't feel the way I do about it. I start drawing, writing, watching T.V., playing games, calling friends to try and eliminate any thoughts. All I want is for all the thinking to stop... just stop. I've tried medication to calm the thoughts, but everything I've taken has either made it worse or given me some side affect like Restless Leg Syndrome that is treated with another medicine. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired...!!!!!!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Rumination of thoughts it is hard like said meds do help some not all come with side effects newer ones are better therapy helps as well but i can relate the mind never shuts down and it does get so tiring Hope youcan find ways to rest as fatigue only increases the thougts sorry i am just wanting to say i can relate to your post hugs to you
     
  3. Boo Boo

    Boo Boo Member

    One thing I've been told and try to abide by is, "Never be sorry for how you feel."
    It does get very tiring. Your body says its tired but your mind keeps you up...