slutty or ok? (could be inappropiate for some, use discretion)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by FBD, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    Friends with benefits, ive been thinking about it recently, due to some weird things occuring in some friendships of mine, essentially my ex and a close friend...both of which weird things have happened, well i guess not weird since two people who were attracted to were together alone, but yeah as a girl, i dont know where to stand on the subject, i mean sexual relationships for me have always had to have some kind of meaning behind them, and i mean, love is friendship set on fire, right? maybe?

    i guess ultimately, what do you think about friends with benefits, are they ok, are they trashy, is there a difference between men having them and women having them, like is a woman has one is she a slut? any thoughts would be sweet
  2. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    I'm not into that. But, if you are getting something from that then it's all good.
  3. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Interested on replies on this one.
  4. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    It all depends on whether you can separate emotions between a relationship and just pure sex. If you can do that then friends with benefits works very well.

    If you cant then all its gonna lead to is you being jealous because you think sex should be exclusively with one person.

    It honestly doesnt make a difference whther your female or male at all. If you love sex but are a disaster with relationships then this works very well but you need to seperate your emotions
  5. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    ^ Agree with that.
    Some people don't want to get involved and risk getting hurt but still want to be physically close to someone. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    As long as you can stay emotionally detached and not get too hung up on the other person, and they know where they stand with you, and you know where you stand with them, I think its ok.
    Its hard to do tho, have a sexual relationship with someone and not get attached in some way.
    And in regards to the women/men comment, I think it shows a very strong woman to do it. just be sensible and use protection and stuff(lol i sound like a mother!)
  7. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    It's not slutty at all imo, slutty would be having multiple sexual partners, or sleeping with someone without knowing them.

    Just speak with them first and clarify the 'rules' of being friends with benefits with them, and just make sure you're both on the same wave-length.
  8. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I agree with this, but also recommend that you prepare for the opposite of your desired outcome. I'm not saying that it will happen, but that it is a very real possibility, either on your side or your friend's.

    You may be able to seperate your emotions from sex, but that doesn't mean the other person can seperate his.
  9. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Trashy? Slut? Yes and yes.

    I had these kind of encounters as a teenager and early on in college. They're good for nothing really. It's essentially you opening your legs to someone who does not want anything to do with you outside of using you (and you using them) solely for temporary sexual gratification. You're selling yourself out and short, and cheapening your assets by making them so freely available and in high supply. Forget that this person is supposedly your 'friend', the fact remains that you shouldn't have sex with people who aren't committed to you, in my opinion.

    Get some patience and develop a relationship with a good, caring friend that eventually can grow into a committed partner who will actually be there in the morning when you wake up and you won't feel like such a prostitute; you'll feel like a respectable woman that doesn't have to use, or get used by, others just to fill her vagina and feel an orgasm. That's what toys are for. Use them.

    At least prostitutes get paid for their sexual acts... you get nothing for being a 'friend with benefits' so it's really a misnomer.
  10. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    thanks for that, its good to hear the negative side as well as people saying its ok, this was really my original thought on the subject...but my thought processes have been outta control
  11. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I thought about it at one point too, but came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work for me.
    If you're a casual person who can separate the sex and love portions- then sure~ I wouldn't consider it slutty... it's actually fairly common, I think.
    Several of my friends have sexfriends.
  12. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Not something I'd do, but not something I'm morally opposed to
  13. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

  14. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    This might hold more weight if you didn't hate men so much.
  15. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Personally, at least in this point of my life, I would not do that.

    But that has nothing to do with my opinions of morality, more that I know myself and how lonely/needy I can get. I would get too emotionally attached and it just wouldn't be healthy for me.

    Only you can decide if it is okay for you. I don't think its trashy or slutty. If you feel comfortable and confident doing it, I don't see a problem with it at all. Just take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to put your needs first. If your friend really wants it, but you're not sure, don't do it just to please the friend. If you're feeling vulnerable, it can be risky, and you've got to look out for yourself.

    *hugs* Good luck :)
  16. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't ever do this. Even though I can't get all too emotionally attached to a person let alone sexually.

    If I started having sex with someone I'd start getting attached to them, then you remember it's only sex, nothing more....I thought that was why I was given hands?? Lol :eek:hmy: Sorry couldn't resist saying that bit :p.
  17. praedor

    praedor Member

    It is a personal choice but as others have said you have to make sure that both parties know what is going on from the start.

    I have had a couple of friends with benefits over the years. The first was about 5 years ago with a work colleague. I had been out of relationships for a while and wasn't in a place to have one. When she first suggested it I was shocked, but she convinced me that was all it was. So I went along with it, unfortunately she quickly developed stronger feelings than I had for her and we had to call it off. On the positive side it did give me the confidence I needed to get back into relationships.

    My other experience with friends with benefits was with a close friend, and that was an experience I will never forget. This time we both developed feelings for eachother that neither of us expected, but we knew neither of us was in a place to be that close to eachother, so we ended that, even though it hurt to do so.

    I'm now looking at this and thinking this may put people off 'friends with benefits' but as long as you are both aware of the situation and are honest with your feelings with eachother I see no problem with it.
  18. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Pretty much my thoughts as well. Just to throw something out there from a male perspective, what makes a girl slutty isn't how many people she has slept with. I really couldn't care less if she banged half the city as long as the city was full of great guys. Who you allow in your bed, just like who you allow to associate with you, says volumes about who you are. It's the standard she sets for guys that want to bang her that I base my opinion on, not how often said banging happens.
  19. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I would say that it's not a trashy setup. I'm currently involved in one... FWB isn't my style really, but it's a stable and healthy friendship (and we're young and need sex). I would prefer a stable and healthy romance, but how often does one of those come along? This'll have to do.

    One-night stands are what I think of when I think of sluts... Not especially a great source of self-respect. But there's nothing wrong with being friends and helping with other needs too.
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i agree.

    key here is remain emotionally unattached. since sex is bonding of some sort, that will be hard to do, especially if you're seeing someone regularly.

    you're certainly not "a slut" for having a sexual relationship that has no love, and there is no expectation for love/affection.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2010