Small Little Epiphanies

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by Brittless, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I've been thinking a lot lately. Shocker. Me thinking a lot. But the irregular bit is that I've been thinking positive thoughts. They're not so positive in my mind. They're just like small little epiphanies that spring up in my mind making me feel better about life, in those moments anyway. They help me to not drown or dwell in this depression. It's not like I sit there and force myself to think positively. It's more a feeling that comes from within.

    One came to me in a big way the other day. I hold a lot of pride and what's more I pride myself on being prideful. But someone dear to me, close to me was angry at me because I was too prideful to accept or ask for help, until I broke down and admitted I needed help. I didn't ask for it from him but he was still there forcing me to confront the possibility of accepting help.

    You see I have this opportunity where I can participate in a clinical study for depression and it could be very good for me, and hey maybe even for humanity- that might be a little egotistical- but you never know and I decided because I don't have the motivation to work to get there- it's pretty far and I don't have a car- that I wouldn't go.

    But it struck me, this is the one thing bogging me down. This is the one thing that effects my life in such a horrific and constant way that I feel I can never escape it and I'm not willing to work for it? That's nonsense. I'm willing to work towards my degree. Work towards finding a job but not work towards helping myself? And there are so many other ways I could help myself I realized, instead of sitting inside complaining and moaning. Honestly, I don't know how others put up with me sometimes.

    Anyway, that's just a bit of what I've been thinking. If it makes any sense....
    Northern and CodeX like this.
  2. CodeX

    CodeX Controversial Figure

    Yes it makes sense : ) its a progress in my view
  3. sashafrank

    sashafrank New Member

    I think it would be a awesome idea to participate. You will learn so much about yourself and understand a bit clearer from someone else's point of view. Many times, we let our opinions cloud reality espcially when we are so far into our thoughts. Its so hard to accept other people nagging or trying to change you.

    I also suffere from Pride. It is very sad, however, I find it so hard to ask for help. Or, accepting a small gift. It is almost as if I don't want others to see me being weak.
  4. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    True Sasha, it is hard to show weakness. Even here, you can clearly tell I'm suffering but I say I'm okay. Over and Over, I'm okay. I just don't think I am anymore.

    Accepting gifts is also a big deal for me... My boyfriend recently tried to buy me an ipod and I got so upset. I feel abnormal, but I feel if someone gives me a gift, I owe them until I give something in return.

    It's true.. I do want to do it. I still haven't found that extra bit to make me call them, but soon. Soon I shall.
  5. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I'm glad I was able to come back to this post. It has helped me realize the place I was at before this weekend.