i fell for my bestfriend and hid it from her for quite a while. we were really close, and when she found out i was cutting and not eating, she threatened her life so i would stop and eat. not that i always did, but i told her i did so she would stop. with her, it was like flirty one day, suicidal the next, not talking to me for a week, flirt with me and smash my heart. that's how it was for about a month. i finally asked her out, then she stood me up. two weeks later she asked me out and i said only if you won't stand me up nd we went out. that day, i was in one of my moods when i won't eat, i don't talk to anyone, i drink, and i cut at night, and she knew and held a knife to her throat and said "seriously? you're gonna do this? why?" and i just sat there and stared at her. the next day she dumped me and said she couldn't handle my "urges" on top of everything else. this morning, i woke up to a text that said "i love you, but you're too much for me. i'm done with you. i don't care what you do anymore." today was one of the days i'm in my mood. that made it worse. she'll never understand that she's the one person that tells me not to do what i do LESS that she drives me to it.