Smash me to pieces, why don't you.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lexiundead, Jul 19, 2010.

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  1. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    i fell for my bestfriend and hid it from her for quite a while. we were really close, and when she found out i was cutting and not eating, she threatened her life so i would stop and eat. not that i always did, but i told her i did so she would stop. with her, it was like flirty one day, suicidal the next, not talking to me for a week, flirt with me and smash my heart. that's how it was for about a month. i finally asked her out, then she stood me up. two weeks later she asked me out and i said only if you won't stand me up nd we went out. that day, i was in one of my moods when i won't eat, i don't talk to anyone, i drink, and i cut at night, and she knew and held a knife to her throat and said "seriously? you're gonna do this? why?" and i just sat there and stared at her. the next day she dumped me and said she couldn't handle my "urges" on top of everything else. this morning, i woke up to a text that said "i love you, but you're too much for me. i'm done with you. i don't care what you do anymore." today was one of the days i'm in my mood. that made it worse. she'll never understand that she's the one person that tells me not to do what i do LESS that she drives me to it.
     
  2. Azmodius

    Azmodius Well-Known Member

    From the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship. If someone really loves you, they wouldn't deliberately exacerbate difficult situations, or be so up and down with you.
    Trust me when I say, there are plenty of genuinely nice people out there, who you may love just as much later, or who at least provide stability and care that seems absent in this one.
    My advice would be to accept a clean break, try to remain friends as best you can, and focus on yourself a little. I understand why you don't eat and cut, but I suppose those are the things to deal with rather then try and be strong for another persons problems. If we stretch ourselves too thin we can snap, I know this all too well.
    If you need any advice or help, feel free to contact me. I sometimes fall off the rails, but I will always reply!
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Lexi. Maybe you two are better off as just friends? She shouldn't be holding a knife to her throat and threatening suicide, as a way to force you to eat. Maybe you could try finding someone else to be with? :hug:
     
  4. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    Dude, you think I don't know that? I've tried. Many times. The thing is, I do the same for her, just not actually holding a fucking knife to my throat. she knows what ill do if she does something. She knows I'll one-up her. And I think that's why she does it, cause she doesn't want me to do anything. But the more I stop telling her, the harder the hits come when she decides she's in one of her "I think I like lexi" moods and then metaphorically throws a rock at my head. I'm just stuck with an insane ex girlfriend that I can't help but love.
     
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    It sounds to me like a co-dependant relationship sometimes these can be very healthy as you can help support and understand each other. But other times they can be the worse thing possible because emotions are running high, and emotional feelings come into play where you feel obliged to do one thing that you might not want to do, and even sometimes afraid to say how you feel in case they react badly. What to do, honestly I think you both need outside support, talking here is a good start, but also friends family doctors who can help you both get back on your feet, if that makes sense.
     
  6. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    honestly, doctors are what i'm trying to stay away from and my family doesn't need to know about this. the last thing i need is them telling me i can't see her anymore because of this. and my friends are too stupid to understand. or what's left of them that is.
     
  7. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    sometimes we have to do the hardest thing, in order to protect and keep ourselves safe, as sad as that sounds it is true
     
  8. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member


    right now, i don't want to be safe. i wanna just forget everything and do anything so that i can. i wanna make everything make sense for once before i try to protect her again.
     
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