i have been smoking weed for over 5 years, and whenever i am without it i just wanna end it all.. i can't stand being sober, i wish i was high all the time sometimes i wish i never started smoking, so i wouldn't know the pleasure and medical benefits it would give me. Whenever my dealer is out of town or i can't find bud.. i just get really down and can't be happy no matter what. I have good hobbies like playing guitar in a band, skateboarding, videogames, etc i'm in college as well, but i just have no focus on what i want to do with my life, just everything feels pointless... I think i have bipolar disorder and major depersonalization (i just don't feel like a person anymore, just an entity, an alien looking at the world around me in disgust..) anyone else try to use mmj for their depression or other symptoms? do you also feel suicidal without it?