Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AlexDanish, Sep 20, 2008.

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  1. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    King size pack of Belmont's, like 32 or something in there.

    I just want to smoke. Get relaxed. Get sick. Whatever. Smoke away my troubles for today.

    I know its bad. But I mean, if I get cancer, I really don't even care if I die. I want to die. I want this to kill me.

    I know what the right thing to do is. I've flushed away cigarettes my friends gave me, and I don't know why (They gave it). I want to flush them, but at the same time... I don't.

    What should I do...? I don't smoke at all really, well, one single time... But I don't know...
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    you shouldnt smoke them is the simple answer hun.

    find something else that will calm you down. music maybe x
  3. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I started smoking this summer as a form of SI. It seriously fucks with your head. It will also drive people away, and it's a major source of shame and stress for me. Don't go there. It's not worth it, and it's humiliating.
  4. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    Same here

    Smoking may actually make you feel even more depressed.
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Not depressed, but defenetly anxious!
  6. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    So I discovered that the guy by my convenience store will sell me cigarettes any time I want.

    Bad thing.

    Bought a king size pack of Belmonts again. I know it's a very, very fucking terrible habit. But whenever something shitty happens, I've been wanting to just get out and smoke. So I bought them.

  7. candiz

    candiz Active Member

    Cancer is something you def. dont want to have. Slow death is horrible for everyone including the people close to you. Why not try working out to cope with your stress?
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    You dont want to get addicted...

    I am 17, and i cant go thru day without at least 20 cigaretts...
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I just started smoking a couple months ago.
    Everytime I smoke I get soooo relaxed. More relaxed than any benzo (xanax, ativan, klonopin). My whole body tingles with warmth. I get very lightheaded and sometimes have to sit down or lie down.

    My normal state is a state of panic, one in which I feel I have a lot of repressed emotions and unsaid words. When I smoke, it brings my body to a state of release. I feel that everything is ok and I have nothing to worry about.

    Anyone ever felt smoking more relaxing than a freaking benzo? That's how much it does for me!
  10. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    OH MY GOD man you guys are sooo young.

    Hurted nailed it dead: Nicotine addiction. You start smoking for several months daily and it's gotcha. I've never actually smoked. Tried it and like iloveyou says, the stuff is a friggin' relaxation demon. lol Very calming iow.

    I'm sporting an outlandish benzo addiction right now and I will tell you I think nicotine is much more sneaky, more subtle, and harder to quit. (LOL, yes even harder than opiates or Xanax. I think history bears that out.)

    And OH GOODNESS you do NOT want to die of cancer or emphysema!!!!!!! Oh Alex. You just haven't been around people wasting away babe.

    Would change your mind REAL quick.

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