My head says nothing said on this message board can save me. I know I feel I wont kill myself right now, but when my mind switches into that mode I won't log onto an internet message board for last ticking second help, I wont punch in the crisis line, I wont comprehend a rational decision from insanity. It could be in my car and my foot presses hard and I slam into dunkin donuts. It could be at dinner time when I see the steak knife. I could be filling up my car with gas and like hypnotized, pour the gasoline over my feet a throw a match at the ground. I've made to not end my life. I have all eternity to be dead. Like sitting dormant infinitly and whether the bump in the road is painful or joyful its something new so I will live through it. Each day I feel I drift farther and farther from others their pain they feel is miniscule to me if a tragedy happens and we all come together to hug eachother i feel inside as if it was truly worth it.