So afraid

[Jess]

I've lost so many people in my life. So many times my trust has been shattered...

I'm so terrified to lose what I still have. What I've managed to keep this long.. Like, good things can only stay for so long.. then they're ripped from my grasp and replaced with pain... and it takes forever to overcome that... and by the time I do.. again... It's like a vicious cycle.

I dreamt that I lost my best friend in the world last night. The dream felt so real.. every second lasting for what seemed like an eternity.. like slow motion... witness to yet another loss.. sucha huge blow to my sanity!
woke up completely in tears.. feeling so real. Like I'd wake up, go on with my regular day... without her. How lost would I be?!? Scared me so bad I was sick.. I still feel sick now.. I haven't, I cant, I wont let that feeling go... it was so scary :sad:

So scared to lose them... but equally as afraid to let them in
What's wrong with me :sad: :wallbash:

 

[DarnTired]

This is going to sound like a plain-old platitude, but I've often felt that people who continually betray my trust don't deserve me. Likewise, they don't deserve you.

As for what's wrong with you? I think that you, like me and many people in the world, simply feel things deeper than most. Life, friendship, love, happiness, these are all things that mean the world to us, more than money and just getting along. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Are you an artist? I'll bet you write. That's what I do.

At this very moment, I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about your post. I like people like you: you care about relationships and know that they're the only things that are important. You've been hurt and you've been trying to keep yourself from getting hurt again by denying yourself the one thing that will make you happy. That's how I am. When I was young and stupid, I used to think that the idea of the lonely, depressed, alcoholic writer who shuned society and created wonderful novels that no one appreciated until after he was dead was a romantic notion. Now, I realize that it just plain stinks. It took me years to crack through the shell that I was in (and I'm not completely out of it yet).

There's nothing wrong with you. People like you and people always will. And if some people walk away, you'll find other, better people who are more deserving of your friendship.

At least, that's what I think.