So alone in the world

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GS9, Mar 7, 2009.

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  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I Feel Alone, And I am Alone

    Stress from life, Rent Bills, Pressure from my family...
    Everyday i feel like giving up but everyday i feel like seeing the next day

    But this nightmare wont end and i am baring the demons by myself

    I was neglected as a child and now as a adult

    My mom favored the middle sister and my dad favored my oldest sister

    I being the youngest felt alone

    I surf the web, play my playstation to take my mind off my shit life

    But days are getting harder and the scars are getting deeper

    I thought quiting the drugs and alcohol would help me but it seems like it isnt
    I wish to drown my sorrows and pain in the bottom of a bottle but yet i still dont drink

    I still amaze myself that im still alive, and sorry if i am spamming
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Chad,
    words probably don't help much right now!! But you have been here long enough to know that you can come to any of us and we will give you support..You don't have to go it alone...
     
  3. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    i emphasize with you :console:
     
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    :console: hey chad, i'm sorry you're feeling this way....i don't know you well enough to know if you're getting any help....

    i am glad you reached out here, and hope you will lean on us as much as you need to....we are here for you... pm if you want to talk. and know that we care...xx
     
  5. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Hi there im sorry your down,i just want to say im thinking of you,take care hun,and use sf for support it will help.
     
  6. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    I bet that there is someone that you already know in the real world who could be helpful to you if you sought them out. You need to bare your soul to that person like you have already done here. There is no room for pride anymore.

    Go do it.
     
  7. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    My mom destroyed the car that was suppose to be mine

    My sister Bitches at me telling me i need to be more reponsible yet
    She goes out does drugs doesnt have a job and lives rent FREE

    I HAVE TO NOW WALK TO WORK, I BEEN HAD A JOB, AND BEEN PAYING RENT

    AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I fucking hate my family

    My sister still sucks on mother's nipple i F*ing swear....

    Damn i need a bullet to the head right now....:mad:

    I can truely tell you guys and girls,
    I am a waste of a life
    Waste of Sperm
    Waste of Time

    I was buying a knife and i kept 2nd guessing which one i wanted
    (its for protection, i live in a rough neighborhood)

    The lady told me that I talked myself outta every knife and that i lack the power to pick something (i cant quote her exact words but it was DEEP)
     
  8. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Could I be anymore like you??? Probably not!! I feel your pain!! Society always jokes about pain and morality but usually the people who make these jokes don't understand morality themselves! What's the point you might ask?? Who cares!! All that matters is what YOU believe and who YOU think you are...... At times, the "dark side" can tempt you to live life that way... It sounds just like Star Wars, doesn't it? But it's so true!! If you give in to that negativity, your whole life will be that way. If you give your beliefs a chance and your life a chance no matter what.... It will be hard... but you can know that things will get better and better..... and the more you do this, the more you'll see it..... You won't have to ask me whether it's true. You'll know it is.
     
  9. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I deal with alot of stress

    Family Issues,
    Work (7 people were fired incuding my boss only me and this other guy are people left from x-mas)
    Rent = 150$
    Bills (Cell Phone, Health Insurance, Credit Card) = 300-600$ a month


    My body is starting to show signs from stress
    and its hard cause dealing with the amount of stress on a daily bases cant be good for my body




    ------------
    To everyone

    From time to time my hand with twitch or spasm
    any ideas or is it from stress?
     
  10. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Ah, we all pay rent, we all work. It gets boring after a while, doesn't it?

    You're not in it alone :huh:
     
  11. Seabiscuit

    Seabiscuit Member

    You can do something to make your family being proud of you.If you don't like your parents' attitude towards you,then just change it.First you need to change yourself,one day you will let them know you are the best of the best with your effort.
     
  12. scaredofsuicide

    scaredofsuicide New Member

    do u have a girfriend to support you? if so seek comfort in her, if not try dating - it 'l take ur pressure away..
     
  13. Seabiscuit

    Seabiscuit Member

    Exactly
     
  14. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    But you are not alone in feeling alone. And that's something :hug:
     
  15. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Thats it though,
    My family treats me like shit
    My Uncle Acts like im retarted and is always a dick to me
    My Aunt acts like her life is worse when she has a HOUSE her Daughter MAKES alot of money cause i always see her buying clothes and shoes (name brands) everyday
    My Cousin is the only one that seems to understand me but we dont talk about stress or anything like that (Well he talks about his stress but i never talked about mine)

    Then there was a FAMILY meeting (should have been called everyone talk shit about Chad)
    All they did was take turns basicly shooting my self esteem down
    And I got defensive i will admit but when your Uncle,Aunt,Cousin, and mother

    Look at me as a problem,
    When i have other family members saying i did a complete 180 and they are proud of me

    Any way..
    I have soo much stress that the eariliest ill sleep is 12am
    the latest is the next night

    And when they tell me to do something
    EXAMPLE:
    Tomorrow "I" have to move about 100 boxes from the basement to the living room up stairs.
    Now im personally Fine with that

    But its at THERE Time Which makes me mad

    I have to move 100boxs up stairs then the 100boxes into a van...
    in less then a hour...

    And my Uncle Raised his voice at me when i asked if i could move the boxes at 4-5am so they will be ready to move in the van,
    Half the job is done

    But he says Your Cousin and Your Aunt are sleeping!

    I wanted to say, "Fuck ill be outta your hair in a fucking day can you aleast lose one day of sleep? i lost hundreds of days of sleep"
    In Fact three day period i total my sleep at 4-6hours

    Things that I think is based on stress
    (im not a doctor but ever since i been stressed out i noticed this)
    My hand/foot/leg will switch
    My heart/Chest area feels like someones pushing against it
    Theres more but at the time i cant think of anymore

    I dont know anyone in Ohio besides One-Nighters and Dealers

    Its not only rent and work
    Its that my work barely pays the bills and the fact that everyone wants money from me like im rich
     
  16. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Just Forget It...

    Some Times I Wonder Why I Posted.....

    ALSO before i forget...

    I called the suicidehotline number..

    at about 4am

    Stressed out and depressed...
    The Woman on the Phone sounded like she didnt give ashit

    Worse service ever..

    And its sad cause me even calling that number could have really helped me but
    now if i even think about calling i think that woman is gonna be on...
     
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