So alone...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kristylee, Nov 25, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. kristylee

    kristylee New Member

    Hi to all,
    I am new to this and never thought in my wildest dreams i would be here on this site looking for someone to talk to and understand me..

    Lets start my saying this last couple of monthes has been the hardest time of my life and would not wish upon what im going through.

    In 8 weeks i lost my great nana, she was 96 and it was expected it was sad but i could cope. 1 week after her funeral my uncle (40) died suddenly of an ammonia i didnt think things could get any worse.

    Until i was up in QLD a few weeks ago with my mum her partner and my lil brother. Staying in surfers for 5 nights then off to see my dad for a few days when they day before i was due to see him i gave him a call on the house phone, to have the police answer.

    Asking me questions... who i was? where was i at that point? going on to say well you know your dad was suffering from depression i then knew at that point something wasnt right i said yes please tell me what is wrong as i could feel the tears running down my face. He said i cant actually tell you over the phone are you with your mum right now i said yes he said maybe it would be best if i could speak with her.

    I gave in giving my mum the phone frantically picking up all my things to go back to the room as we were down by the pool i could hear my mum saying.. WHAT? NO! i knew straight away i had just lost my father. I will never forget that feeling.

    We rushed into brisbane to where my dad lived to find out from his step father whom i call pop he had actually hung himself... I broke down. I didnt want to believe it my dad wouldnt do something like that.

    Well it went from there I was left to plan and pay for my fathers funeral as he was a day to day man with money. His ex with my little brother and sister 4 and 2 caused me trouble right from the start and made things 10 times worse.

    Well it was all over, what next? I return home back to victoria with things not making any sence no understanding of why? I feel alone, lost and angry.

    Im back at work now as i work in childcare i can feel my patience levels going down, its all just kicking in now didnt cry much at first as i was more shocked than anything.

    I thought i had goos friends who would be of good support but i got that wrong. I have a great mum who is there for me 24-7 but its just not enough for me i find it hard to explain my feelings i just want to scream.

    Today for the first time i thought of driving myself into a tree and i dont want to be like that as im so angry for my dad leaving me and wouldnt want to put my family through what im going through.

    There is just so much pain and hurt inside of me i feel like exploding...

    Please if there is anyone out there that can relate to me send me a message.

    Lost and alone Kristy xox
     
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF! I'm sorry for you're loss. Stay strong! :hug:

    (I removed your other thread in After effects as a duplicate. Sorry about that.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2008
  3. dolfinka

    dolfinka Member

    Hi Kristy,
    so sorry to hear about your loss :(((( hope you'll find people on here to support you and be your friend through tough times. You are an amazing human being for going through this with such dignity.

    You know none of what happened is your fault; it's OK to be angry at loved ones who departed this way. And perhaps your friends who are not in the same situation right now are physically unable to understand. When I'm facing things such as death/terminal illness of a family member I do have a tendency to get frustrated about practical things such as who arranges funeral and how much a mess there's going to be with legacy, and some of my so-called friends look at me like i'm an ethically retarded monster. I personally found that the kind of friends that help in such a situation are those who take you to watch a comedy or tell a lot of silly-funny stories and be just very very kind while providing distraction. Don't know how it works for you though.

    At some point you have to accept that your father had a right to end his life, if he was in so much pain he could not go on. Of course it hurt a lot of people, but he did not do it to hurt anybody did he? It was a messy, messy thing to go out like this, but it was much worse for him than it was for anybody else. I hope that you will find a way to accept that.
    Much love from Dolfinka
     
  4. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    hello we both are in the same country. My daughter suicided 1 1/2 ago, and my sister in law died last week. So I know all about grief, and like you I never expected to find myself here either. There are support groups for people who have lost someone to suicide. A good one is the Jesuits, they are in Richmond and offer a free counselling service. Compassionate friends are also good. Just google them.
     
  5. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to Sf Kristylee. I'm sorry to read what tragic events took place in your life. As friends are concerned they just dont know what to say or how to behave around you that's all. Their love for you is there just feel awkward so they keep silent but they will come around. You are lucky to have a mother there for you around the clock. You much need each other in this hardship.

    I can understand how you feel, but hun dont keep all the pain and hurt inside or you'll become a real bomb when it explodes. You need to release that pain somehow. Have you consider seeing a therapist to help you sort out your feelings and let go of the hurting? I found that it really helps talking about our emotions when we loose relatives or closed people to us.

    Wishing you a smoother way to recovery. Lots of love and good thoughts
    granny xx
     
  6. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you lost your nana.
    I understand how it feels.
    My grandma died a month ago and even though we didn't really talk much she meant a lot to me.

    I hope you get through this.
    And welcome to SF. :hug:
     
  7. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Kristylee,
    I don't know what to say. This must be too much for your right now. Your friends might just be confused and not know what to say either because they know your pain and shock is too much right now, so please don't think they don't care. I hope that you and your mum will find the strength to go on. please don't give up. Welcome to the forum.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kristy,
    I almost know how you feel. My brother in law has had three tumors removed from his brain. He isn't doing to good they don't give him long to live. He has always been a really nice guy and was facing retirement so him and my sister could do things. I am also about to loose my parents. They both are in very bad health, we just put them in an ALF. I know this is all bottled up in you so why don't you PM me and just let it flow. I won't take it personal , I just think you need an outlet to let alot of that pain out.So give it a wurle and see if it helps you a little. The offer is a standing one, anytime you need to let it out go for it!!~Joseph~
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.