so alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by captainstan, Jan 4, 2011.

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  1. captainstan

    captainstan Member

    I feel utterly alone....I have a wife but aside from her I don't feel like I am a part of anyones life. I don't believe that anyone will really miss me if I die. I hate that feeling to. I want friends, I want people to want me around them. I don't feel like I offer anyone anything and I would probably be better off gone. If anyone has any similar feelings or has had them please tell me some ways to cope.
     
  2. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hey CaptainStan,

    How are you? It seems like you are feeling very lonely. I am glad you have found Suicide Forums. You are never alonee on her. Theree are many people who feel the same, you can make friends from here then go talk to them on MSN Skype and so on. I hope you make many friends here :hug:
     
  3. captainstan

    captainstan Member

    same here...I need something to break my routine because it is furthering my depression and giving me nothing but time to think about ending my life
     
  4. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Do you have a therapist or couseller you can discuss strategies with?
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your wife would miss you can you not get out and join a group of some sort or take a class just of interest to meet people as well It is hard i know reaching out but you need to Try taking one night week just to get out to a movie an activity something okay just to break up that routine you are in
    Glad you are here too lots of people to talk to here
     
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Captain, its tough losing the Missus - but at least you've had a Missus and even though it went wrong somewhere you can maybe take some steps to get another women at some point.

    Sure, you are down on yourself right now - in your head your agreeing over and over again that you are 'no good' and so on. Your thoughts are not you though - I mean we all have thoughts that we'd never carry out and never take seriously. Some thoughts have muscle and persistence - few though they are if they are negative you'll form an impression of yourself. Only a good impression of yourself and good thoughts can overcome the bad thoughts. So if you think your no good to anyone - try and do something good so you'll be able to counter that useless thought with a freshly made one.

    There's a whole range of things which help you think in a more positive manner. you do not have to spend a penny on most. In fact, you can shovel a million at depression and end up worse.

    Maybe your Missus never helped - maybe you never helped her. Could be you were just not suited or that one fell out of love. It hurts bro - I mean that pain is something many men will say made a broken leg seem like a mere scratch.

    As you say Captain - its the need to break routine. Thankfully if your thinking that then the job is almost half done. Take it in steps - look after yourself well, look scruffy if that's your trademark but most women will not be impressed with the 'I can wear my work clothes to the pub' attitude, unless your handsome as hell.

    I wish I was. I mean it would have made life easier. Then again, maybe not eh? lol

    As for ending your life - try and write the reasons why on a piece of paper and burn it. Try and find things to keep you busy and so on. Work is good if you can get it or do it but maybe a hobby or a keep fit routine will help. Almost every man in a gym will say 'yes this helps me stop feeling fed up'. Walking is another easy way.

    Loneliness is a terrible thing but there are some good and beautiful people out there. You have to hang on in and be tough. Mostly its hope we need and you are more likely to find it when you can get out and about at least and meet people.

    Here its a chance to communicate with real people who obviously share a common denominator with you. Your not alone and for many I'm sure its just a case of getting things out - laying down your troubles so others can say "yes I've done that".

    Anyway bro hope I made some sense and good luck in staying around to clear your own head and see what others do in similar situations.

    Best of...
     
  7. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    You have a wife, you are a part of her life. Why would you want to give that up? Are you not close with your wife? Do you think she not love you? What are your hobbies? Can you explain why you feel like a burden? I usually cope by trying my hardest to think of possibilities, especially the positive ones.

     
  8. captainstan

    captainstan Member

    My wife and I are still together (sorry if I made that sound confusing)

    We are happy together for the most part. I mean we hang out and talk and all that stuff...its just that even with her by my side I still feel alone. I know shes going through some of the same stuff to. We have lost some close friends over the past year. Tried patching things up with them but it doesn't look like much hope.

    I used to have a therapist. Due to insurance conflicts I was no longer able to see her and not able to afford going back to her (no sliding scale). I would love to go back but I am uninsured right now also.

    A lot of my hobbies can make me feel even worse. I play in a band and while playing I feel great. Then I leave and my thoughts just go haywire. I try to use techniques that my counselor taught me but it just feels so overwhelming.

    I would love to get both myself and my wife into more activities and such, but it is so hard getting her motivated let alone myself. We have both never been great at meeting new people and going from there so yeah.

    To be honest my wife is one of the only reasons why I havent gone through with suicide. However, I have started to self harm again slightly and I am getting more and more worried of what might happen in the future.
     
  9. Chrizzz

    Chrizzz New Member

    Hello CaptainStan,

    First off, I would like to say that whatever I might say to you, I understand that you are feeling how you are because you are the one and only person who is living your life - I can only give my ideas or views to you.

    I personally feel completely and utterly pressurized by my own life to the point where I may actually kill myself. I know my own problems and I don't need to discuss them with you, because I have a team of therapists helping me as much as they can. In spite of help, I still feel like ending it all; the only thing that scares me is if my attempt on my life does not work and I end up in life but in a worse situation.

    Just because I am fucked up, this does not mean that I am a bad person; I still care about other people, so let me try now to dispense some of my advice to possibly help you - I hope it helps.

    First off in advice - having therapists and if neccessary some short term medication - it can really help. In my experience I found that the help and support of professionals actually helped me to transform my whole outlook on life - at least it did initially. Therapy works, pure and simple, for many situations. In my situation however, I am suffering from a long-term dysfunction of my health - it is an embarrassing problem that makes me feel isolated from the world and as if I have to hide away from people.

    So, my problem makes me feel socially isolated - I had good friends, but I am feeling so alone that I want to die and no amount of therapy can help me on this one - I feel tremendous pressure to fit into society as a 'normal person', but my issue holds me back.

    But you know what, some therapy might help you - I have been having cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - it is amazing - they give you strategies to cope with your issues and practical ideas about how you can improve your situation. It almost sorted me right out - so I am just saying that sometimes professional help is what is needed.

    Other things to advise -

    1) Be thankful for what you have - you have a wife - so make the most of that situation and enjoy time together.

    2) With the friends thing, you could start by trying to focus on what friendships you have got and then build upon those and you will meet more people and become part of their lives. If however, you just feel that you don't really know any friends or have anywhere to start from, if that's the case, why not try and join some kind of club where you do sports or something which you like doing like a hobby, go-karting etc. Think of ways to actively meet people.

    One thing I would definately recommend is to try hypnosis, which is not magic, it is just re-programming your subconcious mind to be more positive and powerful. Before I got to the terrible situation I now face, I had enormous success in doing a specific hypnosis programme for boosting confidence and enhancing my life. I had some great times as a result of doing the exercises and re-programming my mindset.

    I have a couple of Paul McKenna's books, both of which are useful.
    If I had to recommend just one resource to brighten up your world, I would say this could be the best £10 you ever spend.

    Try Paul McKenna's book called 'Instant Confidence' - it includes all the good stuff in the book and also a mind-programming CD.

    I promise you, this shit really works wonders in transforming outlook.

    I even use it nowadays to help me cope in spite of my being an ultimately suicidal nutter.


    I don't know if this will help you utlimately, but I can't bear to see people are suffering from problems which could, hopefully, be resolved.

    Last thing - sometimes doing meditation to calm your mind - guided meditation mp3s are great - meditation can be a great comfort to a painful mind.

    If you focus on any resources that can help improve your experience of life - this is the way to rebuild your life.

    FINAL NOTE - THIS IS JUST WHAT I RECKON - I AM TRYING TO HELP - BUT I AM NOT A DOCTOR - JUST ANOTHER PERSON SUFFERING. I WISH YOU EVERY SUCCCESS IN THE FUTURE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
     
  10. Chrizzz

    Chrizzz New Member

    Hello CaptainStan,

    First off, I would like to say that whatever I might say to you, I understand that you are feeling how you are because you are the one and only person who is living your life - I can only give my ideas or views to you.

    I personally feel completely and utterly pressurized by my own life to the point where I may actually kill myself. I know my own problems and I don't need to discuss them with you, because I have a team of therapists helping me as much as they can. In spite of help, I still feel like ending it all; the only thing that scares me is if my attempt on my life does not work and I end up in life but in a worse situation.

    Just because I am fucked up, this does not mean that I am a bad person; I still care about other people, so let me try now to dispense some of my advice to possibly help you - I hope it helps.

    First off in advice - having therapists and if neccessary some short term medication - it can really help. In my experience I found that the help and support of professionals actually helped me to transform my whole outlook on life - at least it did initially. Therapy works, pure and simple, for many situations. In my situation however, I am suffering from a long-term dysfunction of my health - it is an embarrassing problem that makes me feel isolated from the world and as if I have to hide away from people.

    So, my problem makes me feel socially isolated - I had good friends, but I am feeling so alone that I want to die and no amount of therapy can help me on this one - I feel tremendous pressure to fit into society as a 'normal person', but my issue holds me back.

    But you know what, some therapy might help you - I have been having cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - it is amazing - they give you strategies to cope with your issues and practical ideas about how you can improve your situation. It almost sorted me right out - so I am just saying that sometimes professional help is what is needed.

    Other things to advise -

    1) Be thankful for what you have - you have a wife - so make the most of that situation and enjoy time together.

    2) With the friends thing, you could start by trying to focus on what friendships you have got and then build upon those and you will meet more people and become part of their lives. If however, you just feel that you don't really know any friends or have anywhere to start from, if that's the case, why not try and join some kind of club where you do sports or something which you like doing like a hobby, go-karting etc. Think of ways to actively meet people.

    One thing I would definately recommend is to try hypnosis, which is not magic, it is just re-programming your subconcious mind to be more positive and powerful. Before I got to the terrible situation I now face, I had enormous success in doing a specific hypnosis programme for boosting confidence and enhancing my life. I had some great times as a result of doing the exercises and re-programming my mindset.

    I have a couple of Paul McKenna's books, both of which are useful.
    If I had to recommend just one resource to brighten up your world, I would say this could be the best £10 you ever spend.

    Try Paul McKenna's book called 'Instant Confidence' - it includes all the good stuff in the book and also a mind-programming CD.

    I promise you, this shit really works wonders in transforming outlook.

    I even use it nowadays to help me cope in spite of my being an ultimately suicidal nutter.


    I don't know if this will help you utlimately, but I can't bear to see people are suffering from problems which could, hopefully, be resolved.

    Last thing - sometimes doing meditation to calm your mind - guided meditation mp3s are great - meditation can be a great comfort to a painful mind.

    If you focus on any resources that can help improve your experience of life - this is the way to rebuild your life.

    FINAL NOTE - THIS IS JUST WHAT I RECKON - I AM TRYING TO HELP - BUT I AM NOT A DOCTOR - JUST ANOTHER PERSON SUFFERING. I WISH YOU EVERY SUCCCESS IN THE FUTURE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
     
  11. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Hi CaptainStan, i know exactly how you feel i have no friends in real life either i have on line friends that i have found on this forum .
    The only reason i live is for my husband and my new friends here .
    Hopefully you will make some friends here too
    am around if you need to talk
     
  12. captainstan

    captainstan Member

    thanks for the help everyone...i really appreciate everything that everyone has said so far
    to comment on a few posts already...the therapy that i had was CBT....honestly there were some techniques that my therapist worked with me on that i find helpful but overall i just dont buy the entire concept (i am gettin a masters in community counseling and this may have had some effect on my views of this therapy)
    I am on medication (have been for about 4-5 years now). I would love to continue therapy. I know I have so many issues to resolve. I have suffered from depression since at least 13 (im now 26) years old so yeah.

    I may have to look into that hypnosis...I never considered it and may need to do some research into it.
    This is probably pretty redundant but I just wanna be happy you know? I hate feeling like this just as I have always hated it. I really do appreciate all of everyones help and I just wanted to say thank you also.
     
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