So angry and depressed about it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellie Grey, May 12, 2013.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    I'll probably come across selfish or spoilt here; I apologize if that is the case. It's making me really depressed and I need to get it out of my system.
    It's my mother, since her boyfriend she seems different.
    She was always like this, as I said it's just different now.

    She barely ever talks to me.
    She often asks me to leave the room, or when in conversation she'll lose interest within minutes and get distracted.
    I ask her to buy something and she'll forget and buy everything else she wanted, even when I give her the money.
    She rarely asks about how my day went, or about how things are going. She doesn't even know what exams I'm studying.
    The only reason why she knows what music and movies I like is because I tell her over and over, because I want her to be interested in my life.
    I know her favourite movies (Dracula (The Christopher Lee one), Carry on Screaming are her favourites) her favourite artists (50 Cent, Sean Paul, Linkin Park, Pharell, Snoop Dog) and her favourite colour is purple. Her favourite chocolate is matchsticks and she likes gothic vamp stuff, though she's not into the gothic culture in appearance, just the decor.
    You see? I don't need her to hammer this info into me, I actually take interest.
    But she only knows I like Marilyn Manson and I like the colour Grey because I say it all the time constantly. The music plays all the time and I tell her who I'm listening too, and I specifically requested my bedroom be grey.
    She only knows about my poetry and writing because I kept telling her. She takes no interest in my work even when I repeatedly ask her to look at my stuff, she says 'Later' and months go by.
    She promises me she'll do something and then she'll go back on her work.
    When I somehow upset her and she gets depressed it's "Ellie you've put me on a downer"
    She only hugs me when I make her, and I literally have to argue with her at times to get a stupid fucking hug.
    If I'm sitting there crying because I'm so depressed she gets angry and starts screaming.
    She doesn't understand why I hate my generation and wants me to socialize with the rest of the kids on the estate... No way in hell am I going to try and befriend those idiotic theives who can't even do 4 times 4 without a calculator.
    When I was 9 we were required to go home once a week and have our mother/father read our homework to us and write down how well we did. She didn't even know I had homework for 2 years because she never even bothered. I constantly got told off so I ended up writing my mothers signature myself because I know my mother would bitch about doing it and be ''Too busy.''
    She used to scream at me that I'd die in hospital after I stopped eating food when I was 5 (eating disorder)
    She threatened to beat my older sister up on 1 occasion and started drinking vodka.
    If I call her once a day for 5 days in a row she gets angry and says "You're stressing me out and you've ruined the last few days for me"
    She says that no decent man will ever want me because I'm scarred.
    That I'm fat.
    She's slapped me across the face, dragged me by my hair. Called me a bitch, slut, selfish, bastard, ungrateful, that she's ashamed of me, that she wants nothing to do with me because "It makes me feel better when I hurt you"

    And it pisses me off. I've been honest about her from the beginning and I won't lie about the way she is. She smokes marijuana so we don't have that much money (she does work)
    My school know what she's like and they keep telling me I need to give her a break and ''Grow up and realize I'm asking too much'' but it pisses me off I need to deal with her every single day.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't understand if you school knows sheis using drugs and abusing you it is the law they report her and get you the support you need Why are they allowed to get away with not reporting this abuse
  3. frypan367

    frypan367 Well-Known Member

    Not really. Thats code for: "stop ruining my happy mood! I don't want to deal with your problems so I will blame it on you."

    I dont see how its being spoiled..
  4. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    Because my school are very leniant. They don't consider it abuse at all.
    She's only hit me once and dragged me by my hair once. They just see it as normal, theres a girl who's had a nose broken and everything by her family and the school have never reported it.
    As long as it's not dangerous or sexual they don't report it.
  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    If you're in the UK phone Childline. You need help and support. Also put the things you've reported to your school in an email, including the fact that that these are things that have been reported before and to whom. Add that you're asking for their advice and help. Ask for a reply in writing or by email.
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Abuse is abuse - regardless of how dangerous it is.

    I think Theodora's guise is spot on. Handle it in writing, emails and such, and there's a record of all the conversation from now on.
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    In the U.S., the school is required by law (my wife is a teacher) to report these things. It is not up to the school to determine how severe it is, that is left up to child protective services to decide. There are two sides to every story, but it is not up to the school to decide which to go on. I think that Theodora (above) has given some excellent suggestions.
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