So.. apparently it is... *trig*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Broken Wings, Jun 11, 2008.

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  1. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    I was struggling with an experiance I had in December, but everytime I tried to explain it to people (The wrong people, I realise now) they said that since he was a minor, it wouldn't be qualified as sexual abuse/assualt.

    So the other night (Sunday night) I came on the chat room here, (after looking up the definitions of SA/A&Rape) and asked. The answer I was given really took a load off my mind, for some strange reason.

    December 21st, 2007 I was sexually abused by my 14 year old male friend.
    I had just reached 16 at the time (8 days before was my birthday).
    I had been suffering from depression for a long time, but had finally started to get treated in November. The worst of my depression started around July '07.
    I met my friend (call him Al) at the new high school I was going to, as I had moved to a new town (H) from (K) in September. The school (S), was closer than my old school.

    Al was kind to me, was a real support for my depressive moods, and really fun to have around when I was active. He knew (as I had mentioned several times) that I am a lesbian. And he mentioned how he wasn't interested in me every time people brought up the idea that we were dating. Which was often.(I never understood why).

    My mother said she felt uneasy about leaving me alone with him. I told her it was fine, he wasn't interested in me, and he was just a friend.

    So she left me alone with him that night. At my house.
    We were hanging out in my room playing a board game that I introduced him to.
    We got bored, and so sat in the inner-sanctem (My room is split into two parts, an outer room and an inner room). I was wearing pajama-esque clothes.
    He came over to the bed (I was sitting on the bed, he was on a chair.) and said he wanted to show me somethin. As he had his hand in his pocket at the time, I said sure.
    That's when he pushed me back. I figured he was playing, as we've had body contact before (pushing, shoving etc.). That was until he started pulling off my shirt. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was showing me.

    He took off my pants, and started stripping himself while I was trying to get out from under him telling him to stop.

    He told me to shut up, or he'd knock me out.
    So I stopped. I was so confused. Scared.
    He said that he didn't want to take care of any kids, so he never...
    But he got me to touch him, and mouth him...and he was doing the same to me.
    I kept throwing sporadic 'stops' and 'no's', but he would then put his hand over my mouth for awhile.

    He finally stopped. I don't know how long this was happening.

    He left to the outer sanctem, and I got dressed.
    When he came back in he said that he only did it because I had asked for him to, and had said he could. That he thought I liked being usefull. He said that I wouldn't tell anyone. He didn't threaten me not to, he just knew I wouldn't. When I protested that, he said that it wouldn't matter if I told anyone anyways, because he was younger than me, he could say it was rape from me to him, and they would believe him because he was younger. That they also wouldn't believe me because since he was younger, it wasn't against the law. Then he told me to play the game again. 'Your move'.

    I was dazed... confused... I didn't know what to do. Already being in that state of depression all I could think was that maybe I had asked for it.
    So I put on a smile. When my mum came home I don't think she realised anything was wrong. In fact, as she's never asked me about it, I know she doesn't know.

    But I've started to talk to my psych about it. I'm starting to get help.
    I just felt that sharing this on here might help how I feel about the event... as posting on this forum has helped me uncover my feelings about my suicide attempts.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry about your experience. It was very wrong of him to abuse the fact that you were friends to use and rape you. Just because he was younger doesnt defer the fact that he took advantage of you, when you clearly told him you did not want to do that. I hope talking here with others and getting therapy can help you get over what did happen. If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm/aim me. You've always got support here :hug:
     
  3. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear all that. I'm only 14, and I was raped when I was 10. It's hard, and really effects you. Especially depending on the role that perosn played in your life. What Al did was wrong on so many levels. Of course it was in no way your fault, no matter how much it may seem. You were never in the wrong.

    Drop me a PM or AIM message if you need to talk to anyone. I'm open to talk. :hug:

    -Rachel
     
  4. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys, it feels nice to just get it all out.
     
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