so ashamed

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#1
I never talked to anyone about this because I was/am so ashamed. when I was around 13 I used to love to go walking around the woods near my home , there was a waterfall that was beautiful and plenty of wild blueberries, it was a beautiful place. well one day I met an older man and he talked and and did inappropriate contact with me. I was nervous and scared then he ……. ( can't explain act here) and I was ok but ashamed, he asked me to come back tomorrow for the reverse. I didn't go but I went a week later out of curiosity, I never saw him again. I don't know if it was abuse or not or if I was at fault or not or if that's one of the reasons i'm bi or not. i'm ashamed that I let it happen all these years later. I know it's not important but I've been thinking of it lately.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
You were the child he was adult You did not let it happen no it was not your fault it was his all of it. I am sorry that it happen to you.
what makes me ashamed is I let him finally get me to agree it took a long time but I did agree and the worst part is I enjoyed it or my body did. how can I not be at fault under those conditions. I was 13 I should have insisted on no.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Of course it was abuse because it was not an encounter between two equals, and therefore exploitative. Victims often take the blame on themselves, but the shame is totally on the adult who uses a child to satisfy his /her own desires. It's not as if you went out looking for an adult to have this experience with and I'm glad it only happened once and he didn't come back. Abusers often groom i.e. seduce, their victims by being friendly and giving gifts etc. and children are relatively easy to manipulate through this or through fear. It's unlikely you were the only victim though. Abuse of this kind tends to get worse over time and can have devastating effects to a child into adulthood.
 
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1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
the funny part is I didn't even remember it until recently. after hearing so many stories of abuse it suddenly came back to me after years even decades of being hidden. now I can remember everything in detail even his face , isn't that weird lol
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
what makes me ashamed is I let him finally get me to agree it took a long time but the worst part is I enjoyed it or my body did. how can I not be at fault under those conditions.
Quite simply you were seduced by a manipulative, exploitative adult taking advantage of your curiosity and inexperience. Abuse doesn't necessarily mean a person is physically forced and victims often feel shame for having experienced pleasure, or even liking the person who abused them. The thing to remember is the vulnerability and immaturity of children and the unequal psychological and physical power between them and adults. Children need to be protected by adults, not exploited by them
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
You were definitely not at fault. You were just a child, being taken advantage of. If your body responded, that’s natural. I think it’s quite common even in horrible situations, the body does what it’s meant to, making the situation more confusing for the victim. *hug thanks for sharing Mike. Maybe it will help you process it.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
Hi Mike *hug

Oh dear, you were not at all in any way shape or form in the wrong, you were the child, he was the adult. Insisting ''no'' is even hard for adults, never mind a 13 year old kid. You did nothing wrong but i'm so relieved to hear you didn't go back the next day.

I'm happy you shared this with us and i hope you get counselling for yourself to help you deal with this post traumatic stress and guilt.

We're here for you *hug
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#9
Hi Mike *hug

Oh dear, you were not at all in any way shape or form in the wrong, you were the child, he was the adult. Insisting ''no'' is even hard for adults, never mind a 13 year old kid. You did nothing wrong but i'm so relieved to hear you didn't go back the next day.

I'm happy you shared this with us and i hope you get counselling for yourself to help you deal with this post traumatic stress and guilt.

We're here for you *hug
I know what i'm talking about on my next therapy session lol. actually I wish it would have stayed buried. I know it's not my fault technically but I can't top the guilt/shame. if it's my fault or not I can't help this feeling. i'm not being stubborn it's how I feel, the memory came back to me a little while ago I think about a month or so ago, and i'm just now processing the feelings. if I could only bury it again
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
if I could only bury it again
That is where the counselling will help, it will help you deal with the memories/flashbacks and once you go through everything that happened with the therapist, your therapist can teach you ways to cope with these distressing thoughts, feelings and memories and hope that it will bury itself naturally :) We are all here for you.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#11
That is where the counselling will help, it will help you deal with the memories/flashbacks and once you go through everything that happened with the therapist, your therapist can teach you ways to cope with these distressing thoughts, feelings and memories and hope that it will bury itself naturally :) We are all here for you.
thank you
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#12
i can tell you the more you try to bury it the more it will push forward. just saying i am sorry this dam creep did this to you and i do hope you are able to get the therapy you need to help you now.
 

WaterUnder

Transient SF'er on hiatus
SF Supporter
#13
Think for a moment what you would tell someone on here if they shared a similar story. You'd tell them the same thing that people are telling you here, that it was not your fault. You'd believe that it is true of them, so why not for the 13 y.o. Dodge?
I guess what I'm saying is don't let the older Dodge condemn the younger Dodge. Instead, give yourself some leeway and help guide your 13 year old self to a better understanding of what happened and why (without judging young Dodge). Then you can guide the younger you to explore the situation some of the emotions and sensations that you felt in a safe, holistic manner.
 
#14
Mike, sometimes your mind does not have control over your bodily reaction. But you are not just your bodily reaction either. There are countless cases where the victims respond physically to the perpetrators. But it does not mean that they wanted it. Needless to say, this brought shame and the terrible idea that the victims somehow are also the accomplices.
I had a similar encounter when I was a child (perhaps 11, 12 years old). I was coerced into a 'game' with an older adult. I was curious, excited and aroused.But afterwards I decided that I did not want it. I never told anyone about it and for years I have felt ashamed.
And yes, it was abuse. Any form of sexual coercion with a minor is abuse. A child's mind is full of curiosity and instinctive responses. But it has not developed well enough to understand or explain, even though it can feel that something isn't right.
I'm glad you decided to let it out now. This is an important issue and I hope that you'll be able to work through it with your therapist.
 

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#15
Oh Dodge... Please, it was only and only his responsibility and stupidity. I’m so sorry... It was never your fault. It is never a child’s fault, never. A body’s biological response has absolutely nothing to do with consent. And even if your mind was there, consent for a child doesn’t exist. You would say the same thing to another person, child, male or female.
I understand how it has affected you, even after all these years. :( But if you’re attracted to all genders today I doubt it has something to do with that. Being bi is also about love.
 

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