so at the moment (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by wheresmysheep, Oct 24, 2009.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    ok its come to light that my anxiety and depression is stemmed from my rape at 16.
    this is having a huge effect on my relationship right now.
    i always told myself i wouldnt let the rapist get a hold over me, but i have cause now its whats causing everything.
    i cant get close to my bf sexually without having flashbacks. and all i want is to be held and cuddled and all he wants is sexual favours. i tried explaining to him how i'm feeling but he doesnt stop.
    i just feel so dirty and disgusting i want to die
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    you need to tell him straight. obviously what hes doing is making things much harder for you.
  3. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    It's a shame that your boyfriend seems to think that he should get a trade off- especially seeing as you've explained the situation to him and he still persists. Maybe he just isn't mature enough to fully understand or maybe he just isn't a good fit for you at the moment. You need someone who is willing to help you and gain your comfort and trust to the point where you're ready to take on being sexual.

    Maybe you should try talking to him again and if that doesn't work possibly think about getting out of the relationship before you get hurt =/

    You're not dirty or disgusting in the least, you just may not be ready for such a big step- You deserve someone who is willing to put their own needs aside, take you by the hand and support you rather than pressure you- :hugtackles:
  4. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    My therapist told me that when and if I ever get into another relationship, it would have to be with someone who could be sensitive to my past. That if not, I would just be adding damage to the already present damage. You are worth having your feelings considered in this intimate realm.

    There will be triggers, since the activity is similar no matter who you are with... So the point is to stop or slow down the minute you start feeling like a flashback and ground yourself...this is not the rape, this is someone who cares for me...The bottom line is that he needs to care enough to let you be in control for awhile - not that there will never be that physical dimension to your relationship but for healing to take place, you need to be able to stop, slow down, and continue only on your terms.

    Can he give you the space and consideration you need and deserve?

    Take care of yourself..... :hug:
  5. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    You're in a destructive relationship with someone who lacks compassion, gentleness, understanding, empathy and consideration. You know what you should do, if you don't want to stay in the abyss. It's not healthy.
  6. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Chick, raped or not, a guy should never do that to you. Im in a long term relationship and i made my bf wait for a loooong time and he was very good and kind and understanding and i have never been raped. Clearly, i think, you and i, both no that what your bf is doing is wrong and you shouldnt put up with it. Dump his ass if he is making you feel uncomfortable about yourself. What will the future for you two hold if this is how he is acting now. You deserve alot more respect than this. And with your pet passing aswell, he should be strong for you not making you feel like shit. A good guy/the right guy is willing to do anything for you. Seriously chick, respect yourself and others will follow your lead :)
  7. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I agree with what others have said before me. Be straight with him. Its the only way to handle it
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