So be it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Insignificant, Sep 26, 2006.

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  1. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    There is nothing more that I would love to do right now than to pop a bunch of sleeping pills. That is not an option at the moment. Why? Because there are people counting on my help tomorrow and on Wed., and if I were to die from these od's that I do it would mess up their day. So I am going to get back to it Wed nite. Honestly, it would be a blessing to die like this although I'm not sure that this is my intention. To continue to do this will ultimately take my life I am aware of this, but really I don't care. I want to die. I have never seen myself as growing old anyways. If my actions put me out of order for a few days that is just not going to work considering my next couple of days. Oh I am so not afraid of doing this, and I am finding this harder and harder to stop. I just don't want people in my life to be aware of what is going on. I've been reminded that the hospital is always there if I need it, but it doesn't make sense to me to go if this is what I want to do. Not only that but the last time I tried that they actually made things worse. Why do people try so hard to get people like myself to stop? What is it to them? They don't know me. They don't count on me. I hold no value to them. I am just another person on the street. Why do people act like they care at all? I have to wait one more night and then I can continue. It's hard to do this the waiting that is, but if that is what I must do then so be it.
     
  2. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    They care because they are empathetic of human life. They hate to see anyone suffer for any reason. Like tree huggers for humans. They honestly do care though. True in a day or two they would forget you ever existed, but they still care for your life. They are not what matters anyways. It's the people who depend on you that matters. You have friends you have to help. Sure once your done helping them this week, you could take those pills; but what if come Saturday, they needed you again? I'm sure they would love for you to stick around! Also, I've heard that all sleeping pills will do is mess up your kidneys and liver and that people rarely die from them. So, why not just take a few, and sleep for a really long time. Allow your mind to wind down and take off some stress. I know what you mean about it getting harder and harder to not do it as well. For the past month I've been wanting to slit my wrists. Not really to die, but just to bleed. I'm to the point where I have to tell my self over and over every 5 minutes, don't do it, don't do it....
    I'm not going to come out right and tell you not to take all those pills, cause if your like me, and I say something like, "Don't do it. I care about you. blah blah blah..., " then it will only make you want to do it even more. So, if I may allow me to say that since you want to die anyways, after you help your friends, stay at home and take just 2 or 3 pills. Sleep for a long while over a day or two. I think maybe during that time, you will find you don't really want to die. You'll think of at least one reason why you need to stick around. If for nothing else, to help your friends. They'll need you again. Anyways, I"m feeling pretty low myself today, so I don't know if I've just wasted your time rambling, or if I helped any. I hope I've helped some. :biggrin:
     
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