so close but holding on!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by martinculling, Mar 13, 2010.

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  1. martinculling

    martinculling Member

    hi all still here,what takes us to the edge of life/death and we somehow manage to live to fight another day? i have intense waves of feeling suicidal.
    im ok for a while then i'm plunged into despair just dreading the future!!
    just wonder if it takes more courage than alot of people will ever know to come back from the brink. oddly enough despite the intense distress i feel, i also feel a sense of calm and command over it! maybe its the only thing you have control over! ive thought all day how, where,when i'll do it and ive felt good to feel in command. am i strange or is this common?

    iv'e read some very powerful experiences on the sf and everyone has had to really steal themselves to share the pain with others! sf your'e a great organisation touching people and giving hope to some gutsy people.

    thankyou, mart.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, I think i know exactly what you are talking about...when I decided to commit I became very I was in control and could see an end to my pain. I think in reality we want an end to our pain not so much as to die.

    I sure hope you don't go through with your plans as it does get better and as you have noted this place is amazing. Here you will find the support and caring that will help you battle your sadness plus you get advice and most importantly you realize you are not alone in this,,,I for one am here for you and you can PM me at anytime..

    take care and keep posting it helps! Hugs Bambi
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    The calming thing seems to be normal for this kind of situation. As Martin said, it makes you feel more in control.

    There's many people who are going through the samething. We can only take this one day at a time. It takes a lot of courage just to get out of bed.

    I'm not really making sense right now, but I felt like I should say something. I wish there was some way I could make things better for you.
  4. same here guys, usually i get really shaky and nervous when things come up so i expected to be freaking out but i wasnt.

    i practiced shooting myself with a empty gun to see if i was scared...i wasnt.

    i wasnt even scared when i put the bullet in the chamber..cocked the hammer back and the bullet went into the ground by accident.

    and dont kill yourself, no way can anyone have a crappier life then me. my parents welcomed me back after years of lying and pain.
  5. martinculling

    martinculling Member

    hi guys youre such nice people its good to be amongst friends. bambi you welcomed me now PLEASE hang on im only a novice but im here for you too just talk
    mart xx
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