I've been contemplating suicide for some time. yesterday was going to be the day. i wrote a note for my wife and kids and got all of my life insurance information together and organized for my wife. i had the gun to my head at 11:30am yesterday but just couldn't do it. why cant i find the courage to do it? once i do it the pain and suffering will be over. no more tears. i think the only thing stopping me is i keep playing over in my head the reaction my wife and chidlren will have to it. they are the only thing stopping me. i know that suicide is final. once its done it is done and i just dont want to leave my family with holding the broken pieces of my worthless life. if i could kill myself and somehow hide my body so it would never be found i would do that, but i just havent figured out a way to do that yet. driving to mexico and leaving my car at the border and walking into mexico and killing myself might be the answer i would rather my family wonder where i am the rest of their lives than be left wondering if they were the cause of my suicide. my children. i cant stand the thought of what they will think when i kill myself. how do i get over these thoughts and just do it? its not as if i will be the one left in pain and struggling. my pain will finally be over. it is strange. i am semi successful, have 50 employees give or take that all look up to me and think ive got it all together. ive got it all. but i don't. if they only could hear the man in my head. i can lead my employees but i cant control the voice in my head. that voice in my head that tells me how worthtless i am. why cant i control that voice? if i could just get control of that voice i think i would be all right.