I really don't know what to do or where to turn. First I started on a forum for depression, but I'm so far past that- and no one is helping. I dunno- I guess I am just tired of what I feel to be empty responses. I attempted back when I was 13- still woke up- haven't told anyone in real life about it. I am now 24, and so close to the edge again. I have no reason. I've just been depressed for so long that all it has done is cause more problems in my life (addictions, eating disorders, and soon a failed marriage) I had a wonderful marriage once. I now have a beautiful daughter. I'm so afraid of screwing her life up though. She would be so much better off without me. I know my husband would be happier if I wasn't around (he doesn't mean he wants me dead by that- I know this, but it still feels that way). I've done more in planning this time around than I did when I was 13. I was young and naive. I'm scared at how prepared I am I guess. I wrote out a note to give a therapist when I get one- I'm just hoping I make it that long. My problem on why I think I am getting closer and closer: I have posted a note online for my husband (one he would only search for if I were to kill myself) about how it's not his fault. Literally a suicide note without details. On top of that I have my plan in actio, ready to go whenever I choose. I don't mean to go into detail. I'm sorry if that is a problem- I just think it is all relevant to how scared I am I might go through with it. See the kicker is this: As badly as I don't want to be here, as badly as I wish to not exist- I don't actually want to die, but when you feel there is no hope left... I dunno- it seems to be the only option at that point.