So Close right now...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BornFree, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Triggering...



















    So ready right now, it has all come flooding back all the feelings the fear the anger the hatred everything that drove me to it last time... I have tried for nearly 3 yrs I have tried... tried to be what is expected of me tried to give my all & now I am totally depleted. I just don't know anymore... Everything I have worked so hard for strived to be and do all potentially ruined.
    Why? Because stupid me does not count, what I say,do feel am... is all completely invalid!!!
    How can he be so completely ignorant??!!! My partner rang our competitor to ask about their products...????!!!!!!!! I mean HELLLOOOOOO How fuckin thick can you be???? Our competitor now knows all about us and where we are and what we do... I mean why not just suggest to them that there is a demand in our area??? They are bigger so have the means to just open a store in our area we are so screwed now - how can we compete with a conglomerate such as them... I have worked so hard and although I knew it was a matter of time before they moved into our area... I was really hoping to be established by then so we would have a fighting chance... oh God, I can't do this, he is like a loose cannon God knows when he is going to just go off on his own and do something like this all because he thought he was being clever when I had actually told him not to... but stupid idiotic me was not specific and did not explain all the ins and outs... but I asked him not to, why was that not enough? I am so obsolete that what I ask is not valid... so should I flag everything when I speak to him?
    Urrrghgghhh I so want to just end it tonight, I don't see the point anymore I barely leave the house, haven't eaten in days building the business has been my purpose to earn enough to pay a cleaner when I'm not mobile enough, to have more money that we can afford help where I physically can't...
    The computer & the business was one actually the only way I could be valid, maybe it is time, time they had a replacement... someone functional and valid someone they actually care about... time to step aside permanently!!!
    Sorry, I don't expect anyone to reply to this drivel, I didn't know where else to go... so ends my stupid vent.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Not stupid at all hun your partner needs to wake up sound like he is the one not thinking no you hun I am sorry all this stress is pushing you downwards even more. Wish you could get some respite care get in and just take care of YOU ok YOu count and you are very very valid ok Please know you are cared for you are hun if i was there i would wack your partner at side of head for you tell partner to get a brain not you hugs
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I agree with Total Eclipse. You didnt do anything wrong. This was HIS fault. Not your fault. It reminds me of when I used to blame myself for people hurting other people When in truth I could not control it. It was not my fault.It was their fault. But just because of who I am, I blamed myself

    I can only hope and pray that this bigger business does not come in to your area. Please do not blame yourself for your partner acting like a jerk. Hopefully there is a positive action you can take to make things better. I have sent some good energy to your business and for you and actually him also. I care Ditsy. You are such a great person. And you deserve to have this go well for you. :hug: :arms: :flowers: