So close to killing myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wastedmylife, Nov 25, 2008.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    today was about the closest I had ever been my therapist even called in the police but I decided to sign a wavier that said I would call if I had suicidal feelings

    I am just unable to accept this new life I have created for myself, just completly unable

    I am 28 years I have never really been with a girl in my life and I will never be with a girl for medical reasons

    How the fuck do I accept this, the only thing that ever made me happy or made me feel good was being around a girl and the chance to actually be with a girl would have been extacy now it is gone forever

    How the fuck do I go on, no one on this planet would have appreciated being with a girl more then me

    Now it is mother fucking gone, gone forever, the only thing that ever made me happy

    How the fuck do I accept this

    Its been about 4 months and it is just getting worse, my body is telling me to somehow accept this but my mind is telling me otherwise, I just cant accept this, how the fuck do I accept this

    I am completly unable, a life of being alone and miserable


    I felt so close to killing myself today, or maybe I wasnt ready to kill myself, just looking for a last cry for help

    God How I cant accept this thing, no mother fucking way, just fucking impossible

    THe only thing that ever made me happy is now gone forever


    I cant even sleep anymore because my body is telling me to give up but my mind is telling me to somehow not be able to accept it, I cant fucking accept this
     
  2. Cristasphoto

    Cristasphoto Member

    I think ou should call your therapist IF I had it like that I would call
    Theres a LOT of folks who wish they can have someone on call like that
    Please call
    Much Love
    Crista
     
  3. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    May i ask why you may never be with a girl??
     
  4. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    I used to think like that... A lot.. But, then I thought to myself "There are so many girls out there, so many COULD be the right one. So why am I sitting here wondering which one it is, and not trying to find her." I started to fight my way through the troubles, and it worked. I still haven't found her, BUT I know that I'm closer than where I was a year ago. I hope this helps, but you should just fight and never give up. Heck, could be the girl around the corner, you never know. :)

    :hug:
     
  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    my reasons are for medical reasons at this point, not because of I think I am ugly or something
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey WML,
    I know your problem because a certain party just let it out of the bag a while back. I can relate to you! Nothing says you can't have friends who are female. You will find they are compassionit and caring.
    Please don't harm yourself, It's not worth killing your self over! If you want to talk about it one on one then PM me or MSN me!! I will help the best I can.Take care!~Joseph~
     
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    whatever, all my life it has been garbage and being around girls and the thought of having a girl was the only thing that ever made me happy, I always use to wake up hugging my pillow imaging it was a girl

    at this point I cant see a reason to go on in addition my testosterone levels are in the shit and I will probably need to take testosterone injections to be able to function but even then I will never be the guy I had the potential to be
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I guess I was that 'certain party' you are referring to. I honestly didn't mean any disrespect to wastedmylife. I thought that since you had posted threads about your 'problem' that you were comfortable discussing it openly. You know there are a lot of girls who just want a guy for companionship, and not so much for sex. Maybe a girl like that would be good for you wastedmylife?
     
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