So close to snapping (possibly triggering)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by vixter101, Jan 22, 2012.

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  1. vixter101

    vixter101 Chat Buddy

    I have no idea where to turn to now for help or what to do....

    I've been struggling quite badly since last Wednesday when I was advised to go into A&E because of the risk to my own safety. I've since been referred back onto home treatment because they didn't think I was that much of a risk to myself....Thursday night, I had one hours sleep and felt absolutely awful and Friday it all capped off. I ended up having two visits from the psychiatric nurses the second mainly because I do not feel safe around myself, despite being looked after by parents.

    As a result of Thursdays bad night and Fridays slight breakdown with the nurse, they still don't want to admit me because they think I am safe and want to keep me out of hospital (in a way I thank them for that from the awful stories I have heard) but I really don't feel safe.

    Last night I got so frustrated that I couldn't do a simple crossword that I snuck downstairs and got a knife out of the kitchen and hacked away only for it to not even leave a scratch because it was as blunt as anything! Now today has been a struggle, my parents are struggling (it seems) to cope with my constant low mood even though they were the ones that wanted to look after me. As a result, I don't show them how hard I'm really coping - they keep trying to stop me from getting the help I need and then break down when they find out how bad I am. Then to top it all I get the crying lecture from my mom and the shouting lecture from my dad and the disapproving lecture from my brother about how I need to snap out of it and think about what this is doing to them! They are the reason why I haven't done anything so far apart from self harm but my grip on that feeling is loosening rapidly and maybe they would be better off without me dragging them down all the time.

    Tonight I went out for a drive, and self harmed with some scissors i have in my car. I called my doctors and his response to me was "oh no no no you don't want to do that. Go and listen to some music or watch some telly and we will see you tomorrow" despite me telling him that I have cut myself (not I was about to) and that I didn't feel safe....

    I don't think I can carry on with this anymore...I want out and I want out for good......
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't understand why they won't admit you if you are hurting yourself. They should be taking you more seriously and giving you the help that you want and need. Sorry that your family isn't being too supportive, but you aren't a burden on them. Maybe they just don't understand quite how you're feeling or that you can't control the self-harm. You aren't purposely trying to hurt them, and they should realize that. You should go and get checked out even if they advised home treatment, because you don't want to risk if if you are feeling suicidal. I really hope things will get better for you soon.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun the hospital is a safe place they will monitor your moods you to to the emergency room and tell them outright you are afraid of what you might do and you need help to stay safe okay don't leave hun I don't know what horror stories you heard but the hospital is a place to be monitored and observed until you feel stronger again Your family are too close to your pain hun to understand they just want to see you well again. Get someone to take you back to hospital and don't leave okay stay even for a few days until you are stable
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