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so close to touching with death.

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tonight the shadows,, they creep ever closer, i went out on her,, my baby,, she took me for a ride, we wound round roads,,, hunting, looking for an opertunity,,,, i take her as close to the edge as possible,, i long for the end but comming as near as possible lets me reach out.
hes gone,,,,,,,,
all the pain and the anguish and the beatings and the heart ache and the stress,, hes left.
2 days before the court case... 2 fricking days,,,, im so alone now,,, hes used me as a rod for so long,,,now hes gone im lost,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
what do i do?
i want to curl up and die,, i know hell be there on monday he has to be,, were both in this crap together now,,,,,
how can you do this to me?
ive put up with it, done all the ahrd work so you didnt have to,, just waiting for you to love me,,, instead you beat me, shouted at me,, never considerd me and took everything i am , was and did for granted.
why did i let you,,
i supose love is the obvious answer, but its more like obsession,,, an obsession with the one thing i knew i could never really have,,,,
for better or for worse,, and these last two years have been utter hell,,, ive done the worst part, on my hands and knees ive crawled through the unimaginable,,, with more yet to come,,
yourl do that time for me,,,,,, ever.
im going out on her again son,, shes on th yard whispering to me, she makes me feel so alive, how cruel to want to die when im astride her.
mybike is all i have left,, ive lost everything else, my family, my friends, my kids, my life, my home, and now even you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
the ony thing i have is my health and its the only thing i dont want.
i dont think i can do this,,,, neither alone nor with you,,, i want to find the strength but ive workd so hard for so long,,,,,, and now i have nothing to show for any of it,, but more trouble,,,,,,
i want to die,,
i want to feel her powerful engine beneathe me as she takes me to the edge and beyond. i just dont want to hurt her,,, why should i trash her so i can die,,,,,,,shes the only thing i have left i want,,,,,,,what a sad pathetic person i am.
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