So Close...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BornFree, Nov 9, 2012.

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  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    The need to end this is so strong. The pain searing and unbearable. The waves of nausea. Im so done. I love & adore my kids but I am desperate for this pain to stop. I cant do this... Live like this. Thsy really would be better off, my son already acts as if I dont exist. Walking is harder & harder & theres not enough roim for a wheelchair. Already swallowed one handful just want to keep going. I need thia pain to stop.
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Ditsy - I'm sorry, so very sorry. Please please hang in there with us. I can't comprehend the pain you are experiencing but we can all hope for some relief eventually. Your family would not be better off at all. Your son is probably just adapting to the changes and absorbing the emotions in the house.

    Please put away the pills, they will do more harm, rather than help you.

    :arms: I'm here, you can do this, yes - it sucks - but you can get past this.
     
  3. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Thank you I dont deserve your kibdness. :arms: Im ao sorry I dont mean to upset anyone. Xox
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm not upset, I'm worried.

    Thats why we are here, to help each other.
     
  5. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for causing concern. I am ok just sick as a dog, serves me right I guess. I cant even do that right. I just snapped. Thank you for your caring I am ok just sick to my stomache. Feel so guilty my daughter gave me the biggest hug this morning. I am just not coping when the pain gets that intense. You are amazing. Thank you so much for caring. I am so sorry.
     
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Don't be sorry, its ok. I hope your stomach feels better as the day progresses. Im very glad you got that hug this morning, :rose:
     
  7. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Me too. But now the pain is back in full force. I really dont know how much longee I can keep going. Now my drivers may not be approved as they have increased the meds. Which would mean DD would have to change schools because of me . Even if she went to a local school It would take ages to wheel myself there. If h could find someone else someone who can function... Their lives would be so..oo...oo much easier without me.
     
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I can understand why you may think so, but things would not be better without you. Not for your h but especially not for your children. Please try and get a hold of someone, if not today, then on Monday re your pain.you shouldn't have to live like this. It took a lot of pushing when my p was in desperate pain to get meds that gave some comfort. Sometimes unfortunately we have to push and push to get what we need. It def shouldnt be so difficult, and its so hard to get the energy to fight when you are hurting, but please try. You are worth it, no one is better off without you.
     
  9. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    You are lovely... Thank you for all your care kindness & responses. Please note you are the only one writing here - thank you. Proof Missy of your amazing character. Me I am redundant an official oxygen thief. I appreciate so much all you say but I have done thiz to mysef isolated not built relationships so as not to hurt many when the time comes. I just dont have it in me to fight anymore... Shit more tears sorry I cant anymore.
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I wish I could simply say all the right things and have it make you feel better on some level - and saddened by the sure knowledge that is not the way things work. I understand what you are struggling with to some extent - sometimes I believe that every day is a gift - not to myself necessarily as that would be easy enough to give up - but a gift to the people I love. Sometimes It seems a poor gift and I am certain they do not need it anymore - but as long as it is giving all I am able to then it is still more than somebody else giving a small part of what they are able.

    Be Safe

    Ben
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Proof of no such thing lady!

    You are def not an O2 thief. Im not sure you realize all the support you have given me...... which i could never repay.you do so much good. And you try hard and thats all any of us can do. Please stay safe. Buzz me anytime. :arms:
     
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