So close

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Jewel, Apr 11, 2007.

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  1. Jewel

    Jewel Well-Known Member

    I've tried to kill myself 2 times..

    The first time I took a overdoses meds.
    But I survied, a friend of mine found me, and called 112, When I was in the hospital they let me drink some black stuff, to nutrilaised my organs??

    I was so angry that I survied, I wanna do it again, but this time better, but I didn't get the change, because they put me in a..................... I don't know how to call it in english, but it's for people who are methally not well.. A kind of hospital? In dutch we call it a kliniek

    When I was home again after months, I did my second suicide, I take again alot of meds, and this time, I drink alot of alcohol..

    I pasted out, and because it was my birthday, people found me again..
    But this time it was bad.. I was gone from the world.. And I can't remember a thing.. Only the things that been told me..

    In the hospital they put a tube in my ?stummage? and clean it with water.. Everything came out.. Al the pills, and booze..
    Again they didn't let me go home, but I don't want to stay, so I ran away..

    Sinds then I didn't do any suicide again.. (last one 14.januari)

    I reached a point in my life that I wanna fight..
    But it's hard..
    Somethins the moodswings are so bad, that I wanna kill me self again..

    But every time i'm okay..

    I'm really sorry for my bad english, but I never learned it on school or something..
    So i'm doing my best..
  2. DeathMiAmore

    DeathMiAmore Member

    I know what you're talking about. I took sleeping pills and they gave me the same black stuff. I hated that stuff... and they're like 'you have to drink it all' but I kept throwing it up... damn...
  3. Jewel

    Jewel Well-Known Member

    Same here, I got 2 bottles, and I have to drink it up.. It's tasted dirty.. It's tasted like you have a piece of iron in youre mound..
    And it's like if there's sand in it:p

    After one bottle I puked everything out..
    It was really nasty.. And the doktor was a son of a bitch, everytime he chekked on me he asked: Did you drink it all?

    HELLOO?? I don't do magic son of a bitch..
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    The 'black stuff' is probably charcoal. They use that a lot, but they sometimes use specific thigns for specific problems.

    It's good that you are around and still fighting Jewel, it's a shame that things have been so rough for you though.

    It GREAT that you want to fight. Have you got yourself professional support to help you with your fight?

    Take care of yourself honey
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni



    Last November I took an overdose of sleeping pills, painkillers..and well, anything I could find...and was made to drink it.
    Two big glasses. Goopy, horrible, gritty stuff.
    I can still remember that taste like it was yesterday.
    Enough to stop anyone Od'ing surely??........
  6. Jewel

    Jewel Well-Known Member

    Yes, I got help with my problems..
    Next week I go to a clinic where they are gonna help me with my probs..
    This wil be the fourth clinic I wil go to, and I hope the last .. :)
  7. Jewel

    Jewel Well-Known Member

    But I want to tell something to people who want to kill themselves..

    Is it worth it? Maybe it does.. But today I had a funeral from someone I know.. That woman was 54 years old.. En she had a died naturelly (no suicide)
    And so many persons die on one day naturelly, and they wanna make something of theire lives..
    And I want that to..

    And people with suicidalthoughts can do that to!
    It's possible to get "better"

    If seen it with my owne eyes, And I felt it too..

    Please people don't do it..

    You can say, nobody cares for me.. And that's a lie, and you know it.. Depp in youre heart you know that people loves you!
    But sometimes you forget..

    And the small things in life will make you remember, but you have to stay still with it..
  8. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    i do go through that phase then l8er it passes. like the wind blew it away. sometimes we all have moments. i tried killing my self by drowning.

    but i do understand u.
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Hi there Jewel pleased to meet you:smile: ,you mentioned mood swings can I ask do you suffer from Bi Polar?
  10. Jewel

    Jewel Well-Known Member

    No i dont have Bi Polar, My diagnose is:

    PTSS (I dont know if it's different in english)
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