So close

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BornFree, May 25, 2012.

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  1. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Its that time of the month & H has brought home all the meds from the pharmacy mine & my sons... with being on 40 + tablets a day it is so easy
    Pain is so bad. I cant handle this anymore. I used to have friends I would have been missed. Now I have done such an outstanding job of getting people to hate me that it looks as if I will die alone and slip away unoticed and unmissed!! Whoo hoo way'd a go me Well done mission accomplished!!!
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    Ditsy - you WOULD be missed, trust me. Your family and even your friends that you think you have alienated. I'm sorry you are in so much pain and wish there was something that could be done to lessen that. Please stay safe, even with all those meds there are no guarantees what you are thinking would work. Rather, it could result in more pain with some other horrible long lasting effects. Please reach out here, call a helpline, go to A&E, whatever it is you need to do to keep yourself safe.

    I know this is soooooo easy for me to say when you are feeling so low, so sad, so full of dispair. But at these times, we don't think straight and sometimes it can help to follow others suggestions.

    I care Ditsy, and I know many others do also.
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Ditsy I have seen lots of supportive posts from you on other threads. When you are in need, come here and let us repay you.
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I thought you said you had a son..?
    What about him? Why not support one another?
  5. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your replies Had a good cryxxx

    Mo you are lovely and caring as always. Windlespoons thank you hugs x

    PWA yes I do have a son - he is almost 15 with Autism & ADHD and although I love him to bits he is a typical teenager & completely oblivious that I may have my own feelings... Besides with his autism he becomes overly anxious so cant worry him.
    The struggle will come when kids are in bed and I am on my own as H is at work...
    Had to fill out report of daughters behaviour and hunting for wheelchair on top of this pain has finished me. I have lost the fight to avoid using the wheelchair.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    as Mo said above..i agree
    perhaps the wheelchair might offer some benefits to you Ditsy and not only negatives..?
    I care if you leave....:arms:
  7. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I am so not worth it, wheelchair arrives on Wed - if I don't have friends now how is anyone ever going to want to talk to me when I am in a chair, what path is my life taking now... I can't believe I was miserable last year - at least then I could walk... now look at me! When is a life deemed worthless and pointless enough... God its killing me that I have managed to P everyone off pushed everyone away alienated myself - over posted on here so now I have overstayed my welcome here too... Urrrgghhh I despise myself more than anyone else ever could... how long before I am unable to drive then my plan really will be f&&*ed
    Oh Sod it its just not worth waiting!
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    You ARE worth it, I understand at times it is difficult for us to believe in ourselves. So, believe me instead. :hug: The chair will not and does not define you. I understand its a big change and difficult to come to terms with. And they take some time getting used to. When my one first started using one, it felt like defeat to her. As time went on, it changed to feel like some freedom to her. I hope you will experience this too.

    I, personally, have said before about overposting - and I believe you responded. So, I'll do likewise, do not worry. Post/Vent here at much as you feel you need to, isn't that what its all about? And we'll get there somehow, just hang in there. You've done so well so far. :hug:
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    ditsy you can never overpost on here...keep talking please

    I wonder if there might be some sort of group in RL that you could join with others in the same circumstances as you? just a thought!
    perhaps a group with the same illness or a group who all use wheelchairs? a chance to make friends who have empathy and compassion for your circumstances

    is your wheelchair motorised or standard?
    will it give you more freedom to shop, get out of the house?
    and it might ease some of your pain if you don't have to stand and walk as much?

    sending you you huge cyber :hug: take care hun
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