So confused about what to do or say

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Burgundyrose, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. Burgundyrose

    Burgundyrose Member

    I feel like I've set off a nuclear bomb and there's no way to fix all the weird and uncomfortable damage I've caused.

    Last Sunday, my boyfriend was over at my family's house. My brother and I got into an argument, which apparently made him very uncomfortable (understandably). I have a very strong temper so the argument went on for a while, to the point where my mother was affected by it. Long story short, my boyfriend left because he was uncomfortable, without saying bye, which offended my mom to no end (she's extremely dramatic). Ever since, she's been absolutely savage about my boyfriend whenever I'm home, to the point where I don't feel comfortable being here anymore. Our arguments have consisted of her yelling at me over the fact that I was defending my boyfriend for leaving, calling me a traitor, accusing me of not caring about her and telling me that she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, etc. To hear a mother say things like this is honestly extremely unsettling. I haven't been able to bounce back from that.

    I was raised to be really close with my family, so i did take some offense to the fact that my boyfriend offended my mother. I asked him to have some respect for my family and apologize. He refused adamantly. I told him if he couldn't have respect for my family, because we were really close, that he was disrespecting me. He still refused. Basically, we had a massive falling out until he agreed to apologize. He now takes jabs at me for the fact that I forced him. I feel extremely uncomfortable around him now too.

    Honestly, I know that everything I've done here is wrong. I shouldn't have forced him to apologize, and maybe should have taken that as a cue as to his treatment of me. I shouldn't have started the argument in the first place. I'm just feeling the effects of all my stupid decisions now and not feeling very comfortable with myself or anyone around me. I have no clue what to do or how to solve this.
     
  2. Heath2016

    Heath2016 Member

    If you think you have done the wrong thing it may help to tell your bf this? I think he may be taking stabs at you about the topic because he caved and did what you wanted. This was not what he felt he should do but could not keep fighting about it. So unless the topic is closed with you taking the ownership of the problem he will probably keep feeling the need to tell you in passive aggressive ways.

    This topic hits close to home for me. I know what you are going through and wish you well.
     
  3. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    How about remember than an argument take two so it's not entirely your fault there has to be involvement from both parties for and argument to occur.

    I don't think your mum should be holding you responsible for someone else's actions i.e. Your partner leaving without saying goodbye this seems to me like your mum is not being very mature about the situation especially with her being the elder here?

    It also seems very unfair that your boyfriend has been unkind to you by asking him to apologise it seems you were trying to rectify the situation I think be proud of yourself that you have done your best here I think it's time for some of the others involved to take actions to rectify the situation too sit tight you have done your best believe in yourself that you have tried I hope it gets sorted out soon Xx