I have been sitting here on the forums and in chat just starring at both areas full of mixed thoughts and emotions. I don't know if I want to fight anymore and just let life when, I don't know if I want to fight and still possible have life win. I'm confused, pissed, sad, feeling dead inside, I can't find a reason to laugh or even smile right now. Life is treating me like shit right now, it doesn't want me to be a part of it anymore, I'm not sure that I want to continue to be a part of it. I start to find that little glimmer of hope and life slaps me in the face again. Life has won, but I will go out on my terms that it wants to take me out on.