So damn angry

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My emotions are just changing, i cant keep up with them. My stupid dog has set me off, im soo pissed. I sent her away so i didnt lose it and take it out on her. I keep having waves of anger come up, and am throwing things. I need to knock this off, but i dont know where to turn, unless its to the frostbiting. im there, im past there. Im so done, im emotionally and pysically exausted. I want to sleep, but i know if i sleep she will be there telling me im no use, and that we are both better off going out own ways. Nighmares of being unwanted and alone leave me exausted and sleep deprived. This in turn leaves me completely vonerable to the damn mood swings. I want to throw things. I want to stab something, if only i had a damn knife. Tonight has been too long. Just let it end, god, just let all this shit end. I dont want to even be around anyone anymore. I only screw up, and drive everyone away, from new friends, to people who have known me my whole time here.
You come off as being too hard on yourself. You should really do your best to forgive yourself, and others as well. You deserve love and happiness.

Who will be there telling you that you're no use? An ex-gf? you may have PTSD if you're having nightmares about someone, which seeing a doctor and expressing your concerns would be of good use.

It's obvious you're unhappy with you're current situation, I suspect you've been treated unfairly. If you can try to remove yourself from your ego and accept your current circumstances. If you have no ego there is no clash between yourself.

For example when a guy is married to a woman he gets cut off from his friends and she gives him all kinds of attention, cooks his meals, then she leaves him he is often devastated understandably. Possibly even on the verge of suicide in many cases. She was feeding his ego, she was what made him feel whole, if you take away his ego there is no pain, he is happy with himself and being alone, there is no clash.

Maybe there is something to be taken from this and in turn you'll be a stronger person, have faith that eventually find the right woman who will treat you like a kind. Living in the moment and getting the most enjoyment possible is all that you can do.

A knife is a bad idea I'm glad you don't have one, what would you plan to do with one?

Best wishes and I truly hope things get better for you..
There can be no too hard on myself. If i get shit, i must deserve shit. i just hate how i cannot even control how i react to how i feel. It just happens. I dream, but its not ptsd, im just scared to lose what little i have. I want to be done, im ready to be done, i just dont have the courage to get it done.
Im angry again, im so mad, i feel it in my blood i want to punch something soo bad, and i cannot so i want to cry, and i cannot let myself do that, so i want to hurt myself. I deserve it. I do. I cant let myself go into chat, because if i do when im mad i drive the few freinds i have off. Its my fault im so alone, i do this, and i dont know how to stop it. God, i want to stab something, preferabally my hand. How can i get so mad so easily, im so fucking stupid :{
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