i just feel so sad. im so fed up of my mind just thinking about all the bad things that have happened. i want to just forget it all. nothing matters anymore. my girlfriend is amazing. when im with her im 100% happy. i thought i had got better. but the other night i went out and was super paranoid with her. i dont want to have to rely on her. i hate myself. i saw photos of myself earlier. what a fucking fat mess i am. i cant stop thinking about cutting. the other day i caught myself saying ''i cant wait till after my holiday so i can cut my arms again'' why am i such a fucking PYSCHO???? ive stopped my meds suddenly. which i know is stupid. ive felt so tired and had headaches cus of it. but i dont want to be on them anymore. i feel insane that i need tablets to function. oh i do hate myself. there is nothing i like. NO ONE LIKES ME ANYMORE. IM FUCKED UP.