So depressed...

I'm so depressed/suicidal.
My mom just worked her last day of work- so she is now retired (Yippee- Not!) If I didn't live with her it probably wouldn't bother me but I unfortunately live with her so it does indeed bother me. I'm so damn sick of dealing with my mom. I truly can't stand living with her anymore. It's to much. She drives me fucking insane. I've been wanting a townhome but I would take an apartment to get away from her at this point. I'm unemployed. I've been on the search for a Nanny job as that is what I have work experience doing but I'm having no such luck and I don't have much money left. I had hope this one nanny agency could help me but the owner lady emailed me today telling me that after going through my file and references that she won't be able to place me with a job in their homes because I don't have enough experience. That is such bullshit. She had even told me in person when I met her that I had a lot of good experience. I'm thinking someone gave me a bad reference- don't know what else it could be. I'm not even worth hiring obviously. I'm such a fucking loser who deserves to be dead. The sad thing is- I don't have the money to kill myself right now without having to use a credit card- which I don't want to use for that. So I'm going to have to somehow find a shit job to work for a month or two so I can then have the cash/means to kill myself with. If that agency would of helped me find a job and a fair paying one- I could be trying to move out a month or two later. But with a shit job that's not even possible. I can't continue living with her much longer- and things are only going to get worse starting soon. I would honestly rather be dead than having to keep living with her. It's not worth it.

 

Hello!

I am in a hurry here, so I won't say much, but believe me--I have tremendous respect for what you are going through & how courageously you're handling it! I think you've got the right attitude with regards finding work to move out of a miserable situation. You've identified problem areas in your life and have an idea of what needs to be done in order to fix them. Good for you! I understand that it is frustrating to be rejected from a job that you had hoped for, but there are others, if you can just be patient and live with the uncertainty for a little bit. Take something else temporarily to get by while you're looking for something that you'd truly like to do. Things can and will improve if you set your mind to be able to allow them to do so. I'm sorry I'm writing in such great haste, if I remember I'll be back later to add more to what I've already said. Good Luck!

 

I enlisted in the army when college thing didn't work the way I wanted. Army life is not for everyone but it does provide place to sleep, food to eat, health care, all free. They pay you little money but you can still save them and they would also pay for your future college education. Plus you get to go to places like Europe, Asia, other parts of the country. Not all soldiers go to war. I say try it since it's better than killing urself. This way you can move out on your own, away from your mom. I think it's better than a shitjob you are talking about.

 

Autumn, I know the feeling, not having your own place and living with others that you don't like is a very depressing condition.
I'm looking for a place to rent and I'm also avoiding apartments, you never know what kind of annoying/nosy neighbors you will get. An isolated house in a quiet place without neighbors is what I'm looking for and hopefully I will get to rent a house like this in a few months, I want a place where I can hear the relaxing sounds of nature with no one around disturbing my peace.