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So disgusted with myself

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Nevermind. I just couldn't leave this up...too paranoid for that.
I'm sorry I think I'm too far gone to make decisions right now. So I've just been sitting here trying not to move.

Unfortunately this is leading to greatly reduced functionality and my night of sleep has turned to nil.

I may end up killing myself after all. I am about ready to start self-harming with abandon now, that's for sure.
I have class this morning, but since I have not slept at all I don't know if I will make it. I think I just need to go lay down, and hopefully when I wake up I won't be feeling such strong urges to mutilate myself.

Such a shame that everyone around must be sleeping and I am so much of a coward...the two facts combined seem to result in me not getting much of anything out.

I just can't imagine how anyone would really give a damn. Advice is offered, but who really sees beyond their own pain?

I'm practically blinded by mine. It's getting so tempting to just fall into complete self-destruction mode. I don't know how much longer I can hold off the images and feelings, the impulses and hopelessness.

I am scratching myself with my nails in a futile hope that this will keep me from using something more deadly and sending my world down the drain. Surely this will pass...

And I will keep talking to myself so long as I'm stuck in my own goddamn head.


Active Member
Well talking to yourself is at lest distracting you from doing anything silly.

And you are right if you ride the bad wave of emotion that your having right now you surly well come fru the other side in one peace :)


Well-Known Member
Nevermind. I just couldn't leave this up...too paranoid for that.
Its understandable to feel paranoid about putting things on the internet for all to see. If there are things you feel you can show to us please do post them. There are lots of people on here that want only to help. If we know what someones problem is, maybe we can help solve it.

Either way, we're still here to sling a little support in your direction if you need it.


Some simple tips are don't use the same user names at the sites you register on, at least hose that you do not want any connection to you. Leave your biographical information sparse/empty/vague, certainly no details.

Do not use the same email address. Some sites where your profile is public (this one blocks the search engines as far as I know) will even allow your email address to be crawled so that people can intentionally find you, any site with social networking aspects are pretty terrible at this, you also have to be wary of any update such sites make that "improve" security and offer additional features to make you easier to find by old flames/friends/ lost family, such as letting the search engines crawl your email address :P

When choosing an username, choose one which is on a popular topic, never choose esoteric and clever user names, especially those you use in many places, as it is akin to building adigital airport for folks to come and find you whenever they pls.

Google your own details, see what comes up, getting stuff off the net can be pretty hard but by changing your username and email address at any site you want removed from the search engines can help a great deal, tho it may take a couple years for all such traces to disappear.
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