So, does anyone know what the point is?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wibble, Feb 17, 2009.

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  1. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    So imagine the scene: I've just finished another day of talking to fucking idiots at work, come home and jump on here, watch the same videos on youtube, post some emo BS on facebook and achieve nothing. in 10 minutes, I'll go to bed, cry myself to sleep, wake up about 11.30, drunk half a bottle of vodka to get back to sleep and wake up with a bastard of a hangover.

    Wash, rinse and repeat, this is my life day after day

    I can't get a girlfriend because Im so ugly, I dont have the money to go back to uni and study. I;ve got no friends, a deadend job, no family aside from my parents I really give a shit about and absolutely nothing going for me at all. Every time I try to change something, I fall flat on my fat arse and nothing seems to work. i've applied for dozens of other jobs, tried making friends and meeting someone and nothing seems to have worked at all. I cant go out on a night out because of how I look, I even get spat at in the street on the way to work.

    So Im wondering, is there any more to life than this? If all my life is going to be is a series of letdowns and disappointments, I dont want it anymore.

    I dont want much out of life, really just a good job, kids and a loving relationship, thats it. Im tired of being told to "hang in there" or "theres someone for everyone" and a million other little platitudes people say when they really dont know what else to say. Im physically tired of trying to hold together and go through the motions when all i want to do is just be able to feel something other than disappointment. Its almost as if the sheer monotony and sheer bullshit of life is drowning me.

    I've even resorted now to carrying an assload of tablets just in case things get bad. This is not the way my life should be.

    So my question is this: is there any point to me bothering any more? things havnt changed in 25 years, and I'll be fucked if Im living another year like this. What can I do to change things or am I better off just using one of my shotguns and having done with it?
  2. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate to this. It's like i'm living on the set of groundhog day. Everyday the same bullshit. I have got to a stage when I dont bother trying anymore. I am not living, just existing. I would certainly never talk anyone else out of topping themselves, all I would say is make sure you have thought long and hard before you do anything, you maybe making the right decison but then again it may be the wrong one. I woulod be a hypocrite to say 'everything will be fine' and 'hang in there' as things don't always look that way.

    I know that with me, its a case of 'when' rather than 'if'.
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    You're twenty-five like me. That's a good age because we don't have to be apologetic about who we are. Sometimes life kicks you in the balls, other times it just rips them off.

    Life does get better. Louise bryant was miserable up until she was 29 when she met John Reed. She and Reed had a great life afterwards until Reed's death. Life is hard right now, and I'm sorry to hear you're getting the brunt of its force. But eating your shotgun isn't going to help. Your depression is trying to kill you. Please don't let it.

    Every day I put on the grinning mask. And I just stumbled up from a three day 24 hour binge; before that drinking heavily, and drinking again right now. I can't stand vodka though - never understood how anyone could. For me it's gin and whiskey. Gin preferably because after a while the fumes no longer get to you and you can chug it like water. While whiskey stains the teeth. You're not alone in this struggle. Just know that when you read this, across the world there are tons of people experiencing the same thing.

    It does get better.
  4. possiblities

    possiblities Member

    i feel like you, eerily similar in fact
    .. i can relate after trying and failing so often things that in theory i could do (make friends, go out, break away from my daily routine, go back to school and retake all my failed classess) become things that i wont do
  5. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Its good to know Im not alone, although the thing thats getting me at the moment is the knowledge that I dont really matter. I could disappear right now and, beyond my parents, no one would bat an eyelid. The world wouldnt stop turning, no one would cry, I even suspect some people might be quite pleased.

    Im getting tired of living a life of quiet desperation. It feels like someone has literally cursed my life. No matter what I do, its never going to be enough to change things. Its like being trapped inside the worlds biggest goldfish bowl.

    The only things stopping me committing suicide right now is that someone needs me and Im in love with a girl I work with, and both of these things will go tits up (although with the girl at work, not in the way I want it to) and soon it'll be back to being sat in my room, playing farcry 2 and sleeping with my gun in my mouth.

    if I had one positive thing to live for, someone or something, then I could try and make a go of things. As it stands, I've no reason to bother beyond the two transient ones.

    I dont matter.

    @Jameslyons: really? Whisky? I cant stand it, its the after taste.
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    You have 3 choices:
    1.Kill yourself
    2.Not give a fuck about anything, get drunk, stoned 24/7 so you dont feel
    3.Accept life

    Just kidding. But Im like you, and I chose option 2 because Ive grown tired of feeling the dissappointment, all the fake emotions, all the fake smiles, lies. I've tried to accept it after a while but Ive fallen each time back to a point where I dont need to give a fuck, dont need to feel a fuck, dont need to care and just blaze.

    Gl to you.
  7. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    OP - you could have described me as well. the monotony of life sickens me too.

    what about this girl at work? have you asked her out for a drink or something?

    instead of doing the same routine - work, home, drinking, sleep, work, etc. shake things up a little, even if it is small things keep doing them until it snowballs into something bigger.
  8. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Asking out people you work with is a terrible idea, your kinda like me. I wonder how many other people like us there are in this crazy world.

    besides at least you didn't get rejected by some women who wouldn't go out with you anymore because you lost your car in an accident...geee wizz was onto a real winner there :rolleyes:
  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Whiskey has a bit of an aftertaste, though it's not as bad as the vodka spread that I get in my stomach. You may want to try the charcoal blunted Jack Daniel's. Of course I also drink gin and tonics in the morning when I can ...just maybe I've developed a bit of a tolerance to any negative aftertaste.

    I hate to hear that you're so seriously thinking of ending your life. I assure you, many people would miss you if you died.
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