So done.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jonconner, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. jonconner

    jonconner New Member

    I am just so done.
    I am body dysmorphic + avoidant.
    I have been in self-imposed isolation for 8 years. Most people couldn't handle it. I can, because i was neglected so bad as a kid. In this time i have seen no-one except shopkeepers and rent collectors, bar my aunt who adopted me, once.
    But there is just no hope. My problems will never get better. I cannot function. I am walking dead already. The only question is how to do it.
    Don't even know why im here. I guess somehow i hope one of you is magic, and can perform miracles. But i know you can't.
    I hurt that i can't see my family, that i cannot progress as a person, that i cannot function, cannot work, cannot even see my own mother.
    I am already dead. The rest is just a formality.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi,

    I don't know much about body dysmorphic, only what I've just learned through a Google search. But it seems like, from what I've read, there's help out there. Have you tried any sort of therapy or medication?
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hello firstly welcome to SF, whilst I wouldn't pretend to understand how you are feeling I do understand the feeling of isolation - specially self imposed. I am glad you are reaching out here, I hope in turn that gives you some hope and confidence that things can get better which they certainly can, being here means you can understand yourself more and be listened to. And I hope in time that will give you the confidence to reach out to doctors and help that is out there for you.

    Take care

    Rich
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I am probably among them.
     
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Hello jonconner,

    Welcome to the forums, I am glad you are here.. and wow! you took a huge leap and posted even tho everything in you screams out you don't want or can't get help.. well done :)

    First, let me just say.. I cannot say that I understand your specific disorders.. however, due to different circumstances, I too have imposed a self made prison on myself for the last 6 yrs.... and the only time I go outside is if my dogs need to go to the bathroom.. or 2 times a month I go shopping and pay the bills.. thats always on the 3rd and the next business day after the 3rd of each month. So I understand the longing to go out and do things, see people... but feel trapped. I have depression so .. as far as your other feelings of "no hope" , "never get better" , "cannot function" , "walking dead" .. those are all things that I feel when I go deep into depression.. it sounds to me like your self imposed prison has caused a depression in you. Let me say this also, the reason depression has such a strong hold on a person is because it is good at tricking or lieing to the person it affects... so the way to battle against it, is to do the exact opposite of what every ounce of you is saying to do/not to do.. like you did by posting this.

    To illustrate what I mean I will use your statements in this post:

    I can make it through this even though its hard. .. force yourself to say this in your mind, or write it out multiple times because you think about whatever you write

    There is ALWAYS hope. .. again force yourself to say this in your mind or again do the writing.

    I will find solutions to my problems. .. use the same method as before

    I am stronger than I believe. .. again use the same method


    Close your mouth and put your hand gently below your nose, feel the air going in and out.. think.. "I breathe."
    Pinch your arm lightly. .. think .. "I feel"
    Look all around you. .. think .. "I see."
    Turn on some relaxing music and listen. .. think.. "I hear."
    Then.. put it all together... "I breathe, I feel, I see, I hear ... therefore.. I must still be alive"

    Well now that we know you are in fact alive and not dead.. that question turns into "how do I live?"

    Now one thing I want you to realize.. when it comes to the specific problems you face in life (ie aunt wont talk to you or visit you) -- you cannot change other people or anything having to do with them.. you can only change yourself and anything having to with you.. (my actions, my environment, my beliefs, my morals, my priorities, etc.. anything that you can put "my" in front of). The key is to look at your problems and ask the question "What can I change about myself in order to change the outcome of this problem?" if you come up with no answers... then chalk it up to "it is what it is" allow yourself to experience a bit of grief or anger or etc and then move on; if you can think of possible solutions.. then ask yourself "which of these solutions am I WILLING to spend the time and energy on accomplishing?" If your answer is "none" again.. chalk it up to "it is what it is" (at least til you can change your answer to at least one of the options you thought of in the previous question or come up with a diff option you hadn't previously thought of); but if you are able to say "yes" to any of the options you thought of try that option.. if it fails, try the next viable one you are willing to do and so on til you either succeed in finding the solution or you run out of options that you can think of at that time; if you run out of options.. again, chalk it up to "it is what it is" til you can think of something different to try.
    Anything you have to think "it is what it is" .. don't let yourself feel guilt over, because there's nothing to be guilty for.. you have no control over those things.

    Now, other things, you can look at different resources and/or talk to people and get ideas from them on how to get help.

    I do want to say.. even though your diff disorders are telling you that you "can't" get out... thats a lie.. you can.. take it in small steps tho. Just go sit out on your porch one day.. look around for a few minutes, etc. Some fresh air and sunlight on your skin will do you a lot of good.. if it gives you a lot of anxiety bring a portable music player with you.. and listen to relaxing music.. while you are out there. There is no actual amount of time you have to be out there... so the first time, just go out as long as you can, without having too many problems or having a breakdown... do that for the first week. Every week after that, try to add 5 more minutes to the previous week's time.

    This doesn't have to be your death.. it can just be your journey.. the one that makes you stronger.

    Good luck on your journey, and be safe!
     
  6. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    I can relate to your situation as I tend to avoid going out a lot of the time for fear of how other people will react to me. I have been going through a very bad period of depression these last few weeks and had to get help from the local mental health crisis team on Wednesday, who gave me a sedative - Lorazepam to help stop the terrible feelings of anxiety I was getting and also told me to double the dose of my anti-depressants - Venlafaxine. They are also visiting me every day or so for the next two weeks. Are you taking any medication?

    I was making a suicide plan on Wednesday but do not feel suicidal any more. I realise life will always be a struggle for me but I have hope that things can get better. I try to plan at least one thing to get done each day to give myself a sense of achievement.

    I am here if you want someone to talk to
     
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