So Done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by absolution, Feb 17, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Finally

    I have to "leave" i cant breathe in this world....goodbye...
     
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Re: Finally

    Hang on. Stay here. Take a deep breath sweetheart.

    I don't know who you are, but I am here for you. This world sometimes is bad- I know firsthand how awful it can be. But death is not the answer.

    Talk to us. What's wrong? We'll listen. Please stay safe.
     
  3. Re: Finally

    Come back, hun. Talk to me :) What's wrong? What happened?
     
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Im giving up

    I have tryed 2ice in the past 2 days to end it...people have talked me into going to the er but they wont help me! the first time they let me go home...then the next they said they HAVE to send me home they have no beds in the ward...no one cares if i live or die! so why do i bother :'(

    I need a G**
     
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Re: Im giving up

    i am so sorry that happened to you, that should not have happened. Talk to us.
     
  6. enerjii

    enerjii Active Member

    Re: Im giving up

    this must be very intense for you in terms of stress - so please keep calm - medics are overwhelmed but this is no excuse for you not to be looked after properly - yu deserved a bed of course you did - i once was sent home when i explained i thought i may die of an asthma attack they didnt believe me and then they rushed me in and i was kept there for a week - i had very challenging experiences whilst i was in there but please do not let this stop you from seeking help that they have turned you away - . . . pls i care . . . i felt the same when i was in hospital becuase of the way i was treated time and again - pls bother becuae you are a beautiful human being and the world needs you in it

    enerjii
     
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Re: Im giving up

    i cant take it anymore...i cant!
     
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    ugh

    i cut again....why?? i told myself i was done doing that!! ugh i hate myself...................i cant do this anymore....
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: ugh

    :hug: What's wrong?
     
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Re: ugh

    i dont want to live anymore...i cant stop cutting...:( im useless and i feel weak
     
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: ugh

    You're not useless. What's making you feel so bad?
     
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Re: ugh

    i cant stand the pain anymore...im not strong enough...i cant stopp hurting myself...i seem to piss off others and i just think it would be better to leave
     
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: ugh

    No, it wouldn't be better if you left. :hug: You seem like a really nice person, and I hope you can find the strength to stay.
     
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Re: ugh

    i dont have any strength left...im just gonna end it tonight...this time the right way
     
  15. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: ugh

    I want to cut right now, but I have told myself there is no good reason for mutilation, please dont end it tonight... hold on if only one more night and talk to me.
     
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Final Post

    My name is Sam but that won’t matter long. I wanted to say goodbye to all my friends on the forum….i have no reason to live my life is shit. My dad won’t kill me I will do it myself. I know Im hurting people but im sorry….goodbye guys… here is a poem I held dear:

    Suicide

    An underlying sense of counting down –
    A rhythm deep: enteric thuds –
    Each another year to fret and frown
    About, wading in the claggy muds
    Of trial – to here, the blackened life.

    A glint of blade had caught a baggy eye,
    Sparking thoughts to jump the fence.
    Could I grasp the handle – was I shy
    Of what I had to do and hence remain
    Enshrined in overwhelming strife?

    The metal winked at me again
    To beg the possibility
    Of halting once and all the pain
    To relish an eternity

    Of rested shoulders,
    Peace of mind;
    So here, my wrist
    For ‘quick and kind.’




    Love you guys…bye.
     
  17. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Re: ugh

    i cut myself tonight and I am ashamed that I had to do it, but it probably saved my life. It's coping, not healthy coping, but coping. You are not worthless, just in pain.
     
  18. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

    Re: Final Post

    NO sam
    please dont do this, ill miss u a LOT
    walk away now and pleaseeee reconsider
    stay and talk
    :(
    please
     
  19. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Re: Final Post

    Sam I hope you are safe....we are if you want to talk...
     
  20. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member

    Re: Final Post

    Sam,

    You sound so much like my son. He no longer sleeps, eats very little, and he keeps telling us that his life is shit and he no longer wants to be a part of it. He is 23 - I don't know how old you are but I don't want either one of you to die so needlessly. My husband's brother committed suicide at 20 and it just ripped his family apart. His mother died 10 years after his brother, a hopeless alcoholic and addict. She really died of a broken heart. His sister is the one who found him and she has never been the same. It has affected everything she has done and felt since.

    If you have a tomorrow- life can change for you. Sometimes things seem very dark and hopeless and sometimes this seems to last a long time. I think it's because when people are thinking in this way, it colors everything, their thoughts, feelings and especially their actions. I know my son has withdrawn from everyone and everything. He can't hold a job longer than a couple of days and he keeps dropping out of school which just puts him further behind and further into debt. He has no friends anymore to speak of but his old friends have called me to see why he won't see them anymore. I don't have a reasonable answer, I just tell them he is going through something (which is the truth isn't it?)

    Tonight, he told me that he never really was organically part of our family. He has three siblings and his father and I and he is the oldest. We doted on him so much. He had so many opportunities, including a trust fund set up by his grandfather that he has squandered away and it is almost gone now. When he told me he was never part of our family I could see the pain and suffering in his eyes. This is not true- he was as loved and valued as the other kids but I could see that he is speaking the truth as he sees it. This feeling is not based in reality or on anything that has been done to him. But, because of his deep depression, because of his dark, dark moods, because of his feelings of inadequacy, he perceives this as the truth. It has become his truth and nothing we say or do seems to make a difference to him. He told me tonight we were a five person family and he had no place in it. That hurts me so much - to realize that this is his reality and it causes him such pain.

    Sam, my son is very intelligent. He actually tests on a genius level. I'm betting you are also very, very gifted, both creatively and intellectually. I don't know why people who are so smart and creative are so tortured, but if you look through history it has always been so. His doctor said to him, after his recent suicide attempt - "you're not the one in here that should die." In other words, it is the bright, the imaginative, the deep thinkers and deep feelers, who have so much to offer to the world. It is people like you and him that can do so much for the world but you can't get out of the horrible dark places that you find yourselves in day in and day out. I know how exhausting this must be. All your energy is tied up in dealing with your anxieties and depression and nothing is left of you to move ahead in your life.

    It takes a lot of energy and drive to make it in school or a job. I know it is too daunting for him to try anymore. He has experienced some setbacks and I have seen firsthand how poor his coping skills are. He also has a very low frustration threshold. He has always let minor obstacles completely rock his whole world. When he didn't get accepted into the university he wanted, he just let go of everything. I tried to tell him, keep working hard and try again next semester, but again the darkness took over. He just threw it all in, drank, took drugs and went further into debt.

    I fight every day to try to cope with this situation. As I said, I have three other children and a husband and it takes me away from everyone else. We just keep dealing with trying to keep him alive. I just keep thinking that I have to make sure he has a tomorrow so things can get better on that day. Maybe that's the day he meets somebody new, gets into a positive relationship, makes a new friend, gets an opportunity for a job, does very well on a test, impresses a professor, gets an internship, or just finds something to live for that day. Maybe that one thing will be enough to start building a new life, one he finds worth living.

    Sam, I have enough to fight for you too. I believe, from the way you talk, that you are very similar to him. I want you to have a tomorrow too. I know, if you reach down deep, you can touch that part of yourself that used to dream and hope and try. You have to know that people do care, do love you and value you. If you are like him, the feelings that they don't and never did come from inside, from the dark place. Things can get very difficult in families when someone is suffering emotionally and I know they can blow up. This is just the desperation. We have bad blow-ups here too. I am so desperate anymore.

    Please hang on. Please keep posting. Please consider what else you can do besides what you are thinking. You are important Sam. You just have to believe that and start acting accordingly.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.