My stomach hasn't worked right for like 2 years now, but lately its been getting worse. Like the last month or so. They'd told me a year ago that it was all in my head (panic attacks, conversion disorder, etc.) and I spent a year being really down on myself for supposedly making myself sick. Only, now they've decided its NOT in my head, which means another round of tests (the same ones again mostly) and more doc visits. I have absolutely no hope that they'll figure this out and fix it. In another 2 weeks they'll be back to telling me its all in my head. I hate myself for making myself sick, whether its true or not I still blame myself. And I'm tired of waiting for them to fix something through their stupid guess-and-check methods. I just want it to end!!! And I don't really care how. They wanna take out my gallbladder cuz that might be the problem (they're not sure, just don't know what else to do). I'm at the point of saying wtf is the point in even trying to eat? I'm tired of fighting my body to eat and fighting myself to keep trying to go to work, even though I have to leave like 1-2 days a week cuz of my stomach. I just have no hope. Now I'm fighting myself to not stop eating completely, at least for a few more weeks. I've got a major recital to play that I wanna get through. I don't really want to die, but if thats the only way for me to not be sick anymore, I don't really care if I do. I've got nothing left to hang on to.