so fecking close

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by wheresmysheep, Jan 2, 2011.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I want to do it. ive had it. i just,. i cant do anything. i cant function, i dont want anythign more of anythign
     
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    You'll get through this emma, don't give up :hug:
     
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i dont want to
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: dont do it. lots of people love you and vice versa... please dont :(
     
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    had enough of love.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    listen to your sig hun xxxxx
     
  7. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    no you havent sheep;) nobody can get enough of love, but whats the matter are you feeling suicidal too?
     
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I can accept that sometimes love isn't enough but it's still pretty good, so here's some more xxxxxxx
    What else would help?
     
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    which part music?

    and yes i have had enough of love. its kicked my ass up and down teh streets, unconditional love crap. i dont want it anymore. i dont want it. and yes i am suicidal. i ahve a means toa n end. i just have to get it all ready
     
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    a new life from scratch
     
  11. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    thanks young violet, but i ahve been here many times before, and have done all the textbook helpyoruself things ever thought of.
    but ty
     
  13. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Mmmhhh it won't be a new life if you suicide.
    Stay here and tell us what has brought you to this point.
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Nothing is truly pointless if you believe in it. that part.

    You can start fresh, if I can do it, you can too :)
     
  15. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    So what's triggered you today? Why are you suddenly so opposed to unconditional love. Are you sure you've experienced unconditional love? Most people haven't. Most people don't actually understand what it is, which is very sad.
    Tell me what's got you feeling like this, I want to help.
    x
     
  16. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    its not an all of a sudden. ive been holding off and holding off for about a week now.
    things are just getting progressively worse.

    its been teh last month.
    firstly was with a guy who is the biggest creepiest freak going, and he has freaked me rigth out, yeah i have split from him, btu in his little world we're still freinds. hes also a long term customer and friend of my potential boss. and its in a field of work that is not very easy to get into.
    i ahve walked away from that experience without a secure future for my career, feelign liek how i did when i was raped in greece when i was 16 due to the actions and behaviours of the guy in question. but they cant be reported or prosecuted. as they arent illegal.
    im having money issues, living off a shoe string. I ahve no IRL friends. and dont say yous are here, ive had yous for 2years now, and i am greatful and love eahc of you to pieces, but i am refering to a childhood freind system, people who care irl for you taht are there to physically pick you up and make you carry on. I dont have that. in friends or family. I ahve no one. just myself to pick up and carry on. and after 22years of it,. ive had enough.
    i geta call on christmas eve, taht my mother is suicidal becuase i am a failure as a daughter becuase i didnt call my brother before he left for england and i didnt send christmas cards.
    i am still dealing with the guy getting in contact with me even tho i dont reply..
    then i have to act all family and happy around my dad and his wife and everything is perfect and hunky dory, when in fact i sit tehre reliving the night he did what he did. which he blatenly denies and says is all in my head, and then i cant be even a little down cause 'thats not how you cope' you burry it and smile and pretend liek life is amazing. story of my fucking life.
    then we have my brother
    I get a call mid to end of last month, he was planning to run away because of how my mother was treating him
    i stop him
    i then go to his school, my old school, to talk to teh counsellor i agve him permission to see because of my mothers actions
    and he then drops teh nugget that if he isnt able to leave he will kill himself
    thus starts the social services involvement as he is underage and had no other family around to support him or take him away from the toxic environment he was in.
    so i had to get intouch with his father who was in china, to tell him everything
    my brother is now in england with his father, and has been kept there without permission from my mum, so she is goign to the gaurds with a kidnap case and tehres going to be a custurdy battle which i will be dragged into for a reference on who should look after him as i am an adult now and have an insight to teh family.
    then i have snide jibes from my landlady. no food, no money behind on college work, gonna be kicked out of college because of mising days due to all teh fucking shit ive gone trhough.
    so yeah
    take your pick
    and i ahve triued shifting through this dung pile already. but there is no way to fix this
     
  17. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    how can start over?
     
  18. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    and i mean im sick of feeling unconditonal love. not being the recipiant of it
     
  19. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You can start over. I do it all the time. Sometimes the only way through is to start over.
    However, you've clearly got more problems than any one person should have. If it's not too intrusive can I ask if your family are practising Catholics?
    I know that sounds unPC but I was brought up in a family of Irish Catholics and it was an incredibly toxic environment for me. Not only did I have to deal with the bloody awful family and everything that ever happened to me but I also had to deal with all the Catholicism.
    It seems to me that the best thing that you can do is cut all ties with your family with the possible exception of your brother. However, you're really not in any condition to be your brothers carer at the moment so there's a limit to how you can help him. If he's with his father, then he's safe enough presumably for the moment.
    Your mother sounds like shes been emotionally blackmailing you for years and that's not okay. That may be because she has her own mental health problems but again, you're not her carer and you have to put yourself first at the moment.
    Your father should be put up against a wall and shot but sadly we're not allowed to do that in real life. Why are you still talking to him and allowing his lies to be part of your life? Walk away hun, it will be the best thing you ever did. You don't need someone like that in your life.
    College - do they know of your mental health problems? If so, then they can cut you some slack. (and they will if you ask them to)
    Landlady, why allow her to make snide remarks? You are non of her business and she has no right to be making any kind of remark. Now that she's done so, you know her for what she is and you can ignore her. People like that are unworthy of acknowledgement. Look down your nose at her, smile haughtily and totally ignore her. It will drive her mad if she can't get any other reaction than that.
    Creepy freaky men - sadly they do exist and you're going to come across more than one of them. What is the situation with the potential boss and job? Do you really need to allow a creep into your environment? If he's costantly getting in touch, you may be able to do him for cyber stalking
    Money - we've all been there. By the time I was 40 I was determined that I'd never allow money to upset me again. Of course it does, but I'm more aware of my reactions and have better control over them now. Are you on a grant? Have you got a part time job?
    All of your problems can be overcome, it might not seem like it but they can. You just have to make some tough decisions - like cutting your father out of your life.
    xxxxx
     
  20. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    the point is, this is just another sad fucking chapter in my life.
    I have had a shit full and a half in my sad little life.
    but hasnt everyone?
    but ive always pulled through.
    always
    why bother when i just get shit torrrent after shit torrent
     
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