So here I am at the grand old age of 42 and everything in life is shit. It took me a long while to sort out my career - I went to uni got a degree, now doing a PhD, but I'm failing miserably - my thesis is due in soon and I have not even collected any data. I have had one relationship in all my life. Never thought I was attractive to women, but since that relationship I've noticed that women are interested - problem is I caught genital warts from her, have had them for two years, treatment has helped, but has not rid me of them, so I can't have a relationship. I tried some online STD dating sites, but most have HIV - no one with warts. My family treat me like dirt. My dad always told me how useless I was and beat me. My mum never gave a shit - she made sure I was fed but that was about it. I live with my sister and she is abusive - she does not let me cook in my own home, watch TV, clean my clothes - I know others would say I should stick up for myself, but that just causes big arguments - my sister will never compromise and wants it all her way. Also I have no motivation to do anything about it. I just want a peaceful life without arguments. I have no social life - most of my friends have moved on or are in relationships. The one friend I do see... well I only see him because if I didn't I wouldn't go out anywhere. Even then, I would prefer to be home alone when I am out with him. So what is the point? Every aspect of my life is crap. I don't see the point in continuing. I have always been an optimist, but after 42 years I start to realise that I am deluded and nothing will change, nothing good will happen in my life. I have tried therapy, but it was the worse experience of my life - I felt worse than ever. All i want to find out is if there is a quick, painless, guaranteed way of killing myself. I can no longer stand going to bed and hoping that I will not wake in the morning.