Been months since I have been here. My dearest friend passed away tonight. How I wish it could have been myself. Now its yet another funeral to attend....so I try to convince myself. My heart is broken even more than before. I want to be with her as she makes this journey to what we call the unknown. But I know I can't....just yet. my heart aches, my eyes drop tears in floods. My instict screams at me I want to live. Panic attacks abound. Just came back from the hospital of three months stay.......only to come back home to meet the death of one who supported myself and convinced me to know all is always allright.Now to find a means to meet her soon.