So fragile

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Auerbach, Jan 4, 2016.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I always feel that death is not far, that at any moment I could just drop dead, and I'd be fine with that. There is nothing in my life or world that I consider worth living for. I have been like this for many years now. Life sucks and right now I am just hanging around. But a lot of times I'd choose to be dead rather than being alive.
  2. OnceRob

    OnceRob Active Member

    Hi, I find that I always question my thoughts, one way I challenge such thoughts like yours is to bring myself one step closer to death. I have so many ways to do this, taking huge risks, and then analysing what I experienced. Like did I get a rush, did I feel anxiety and often yes I do, I feel an increase in my heart rate as I am closer and closer to my end and to me this is contrary because I would have expected to feel nothingness, just numb to it. If I am about to die and I want this then why would I feel any sense of fear. I don't suggest you do this of course, but sometimes if you can find that "jolt" to push you past the dark thoughts you can then focus more on the light. Another thing I have found that effects a lot of men is that to a lot of us we have an overwhelming sense that the world is not sympathetic towards us, if you are male and have issues as soon as you cease to be a child or teenager its like no one gives a f*** . If you look at the amount of refugees from Syria for example, so many are men and clearly draft dodgers. They , unlike us, don't want to die. Yet all people say is that they are making it harder for the women and children and that they should be sent back. I don't want to start an gender argument, I am not even sure what your gender is but I am just trying to demonstrate that society has made us what we are. Do you really want to give it the satisfaction of winning ? You are worth so much more and I bet if I met you I would be listing your qualities left right and centre, you are more than this and you owe it to yourself to work out how to move on.
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  3. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I still am having suicidal ideations every night :/
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    What are you doing every night before they start or that make sit continue every night? What is your daily routine and evening routine? When there is a repetitive cycle of every night or every day things going down and down and down until at night you are along in a room spending hours contemplating suicide and how alone you are than the only way to break the pattern is to in fact break the pattern and do something different. If after years of loneliness nothing has changed then the only real answer is to change something you can control. You cannot change the fact people are not coming to your door spontaneously, but you can choose what side of the door to be on and what you are doing every night before the thoughts get bad and then start to spiral into worse. If you make a list of what you did each hour of the day from 4:00 PM til midnight every day for the last week you will see very clear patterns - then simply make a plan for the next week to change some of those things. If you change nothing about what you do then then the situation you face every day and the day itself is not likely to change either.

    Some people are fortunate enough to have close friends and family members to pull them out of these situations and to step in make them change things, take them out and do something to break the cycle- but most of us are not, especially not after years of being like this. We have chased off and blocked out people far too long for their to be anybody left to do that for us so we can complain about the fact we have no one to do it for us or do it ourselves and start the process of finding people to be involved in our lives again. The simple fact is though that change is hard and takes effort and doing the same thing is easy and somewhat comfortable even if painful- so it is easier and less scary to simply do the same thing. If you are in fact tired of feeling this though is not likely anybody but you that has the power to change the pattern.
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