I guess part of not dealing with things in the right way, is it's really hard for me to just ask for help. I feel like a little crybaby that can't handle anything, and then I just let myself feel bad, cause I feel like I have to ask so much, and then there comes the shame, from needing the help the start with. Well whatever, I wanted to overdose on Imuran the other day, really took alot out of me to talk myself out of that one. But I did.. Figured if I could get a pain shot today, go back to physical therapy, it might calm my back pain down some to the point that I am not feeling like taking my life. Plan in action. Needed one. Jesus christ, help me here.. When I saw my doctor Monday, he wanted me to go back to councelling, because I OD'd sunday. So I tell my nasty ex-husband (I live here with him & my daughter), he says I can't go. That the wear and tear on his truck, is more important, than whether or not his daughter has her mother around, YES the MF'R knows what I did. So today, when I went back to the doctor, I find out he's home running off at the mouth, he tells my daughter I can't use his truck anymore to go to the doctor. I have to lie about where I was just so he'd shut his freeking mouth. I know we're not in a relationship or anything. But we stabalized enough of a friendship to raise our daughter together,, well that's going down hill pretty fast cause I just want to knock him one crossways in the damn head with a ballbat. I HATE HIS GUTS! I don't treat him in a bad way, I help with the bills and groceries. I do all the housework.. What the hell does he want from me? I'm getting sick and tired of his selfish ass shit..