depression sucks. I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed. I am trying so hard not to be the person that ruins everyone else's holidays but it is so hard to pretend to be upbeat and "in the holiday spirit". I have been unemployed since July I have searched and searched for a job, interviewed and sent resumes, filled out applications and cried myself to sleep at night because I feel like such a failure. I interviewed for a job last week, the chance of a lifetime. When I applied I honestly thought I was overreaching and didn't stand a chance but then two months later they called and wanted to schedule a phone interview but first there was a three page questionnaire I had to answer. I couldn't believe it they liked my answers so we had a phone interview then a month passed and my hopes were dashed. I gave up on the dream and then a call came they liked my phone interview and wanted to meet me in person it was down to just me and less than a handful of others for this position and my interview was last week. I am trying so hard to be positive, to remember that they seem to take a very long time to make decision and I know that they were not scheduled to complete their interview process until today but I am afraid to want this position too much. I am afraid that I will get my hopes up only to have them dashed and it be impossible for me to have a positive attitude on Christmas. Right now, it is so hard that I think I am going to make the decision not to join my family for the Christmas festivities. Thanksgiving sent me into a crisis of which I almost didn't survive literally and that was before I got the call for the interview. Now, I am scared, scared to talk to my doctor and therapist as well because I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this opportunity either I feel as though I am being boxed into a corner I am sorry this is such a long and rambling post but I don't feel as though I have anyone but this online anonymous forum to turn to because I am to scared and depressed and desperate and lonely.