so frustrated and lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostgirl88, Dec 17, 2013.

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  1. lostgirl88

    lostgirl88 Member

    depression sucks. I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed. I am trying so hard not to be the person that ruins everyone else's holidays but it is so hard to pretend to be upbeat and "in the holiday spirit". I have been unemployed since July I have searched and searched for a job, interviewed and sent resumes, filled out applications and cried myself to sleep at night because I feel like such a failure.

    I interviewed for a job last week, the chance of a lifetime. When I applied I honestly thought I was overreaching and didn't stand a chance but then two months later they called and wanted to schedule a phone interview but first there was a three page questionnaire I had to answer. I couldn't believe it they liked my answers so we had a phone interview then a month passed and my hopes were dashed. I gave up on the dream and then a call came they liked my phone interview and wanted to meet me in person it was down to just me and less than a handful of others for this position and my interview was last week. I am trying so hard to be positive, to remember that they seem to take a very long time to make decision and I know that they were not scheduled to complete their interview process until today but I am afraid to want this position too much. I am afraid that I will get my hopes up only to have them dashed and it be impossible for me to have a positive attitude on Christmas. Right now, it is so hard that I think I am going to make the decision not to join my family for the Christmas festivities. Thanksgiving sent me into a crisis of which I almost didn't survive literally and that was before I got the call for the interview. Now, I am scared, scared to talk to my doctor and therapist as well because I don't want to do anything to jeopardize this opportunity either I feel as though I am being boxed into a corner

    I am sorry this is such a long and rambling post but I don't feel as though I have anyone but this online anonymous forum to turn to because I am to scared and depressed and desperate and lonely.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You phone them ok you phone them so they know that you are interested that you really care abouthis positon phone them and ask them if they have made a decision yet
    Sometimes that followup call help them with the decision making hugs
     
  3. lostgirl88

    lostgirl88 Member

    Thank that is good advice, I sent handwritten thank you notes after my interview last week, I am just so afraid to do the wrong thing and screw up, I want this more than the stupid half a billion lottery jackpot that would have solved all my problems, like I could win that if I can't even get the odds to go in my favor to get a flaking job!
     
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