So fucking embarassed -- paranoia

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Warrior2089, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Ok, so I went to a 5 day wrestling camp last Sunday. I got back an hour ago and I have a story to tell all of you which I fucking wish did not happen.

    Well first of all, yeah, this is about paranoia. I have been paranoid of being "that little kid in the corner who no one likes and no one talks to". I was fine, but this week started the whole fucking paranoia over again. Number one, I farted when I was being turned on my back during a wrestling match. It's worse than you think when you're around over 300 people for 5 days straight, so don't even think of saying "wow, you farted, no big deal" yes it is a fucking big deal.

    Second, the thing that really started up the paranoia and I've been really pissed off and self conscious since, happened today. You know I'm paranoid about being that little kid in the corner who everyone thinks is depressed and has no friends, right? Well this guy made it seem 100% true.

    This senior wrestler came up to me as I was putting on my wrestling shoes, and was like "hey man, keep doing what you're doing you're doing real good. I heard people say some things and I told 'em that you're trying your best. You should start lifting weights too, get those muscles up." He said a bunch more than that, but I don't remember all of it. One of the things that really made me paranoid was that when he shook my hand, he used his free hand to rub my hair. That makes me paranoid because people usually only do that to little kids, like 5 year olds... I'm fucking 14.

    I replied casually and carried on a conversation. Little did he know that he was killing me inside. I do lift weights, I'm hopefully a normal guy even though I do things a bit slower (out of preference; I like to take my time but I always feel like everyone thinks I'm retarded for doing that); I change my own fucking clothes; I act like a fucking normal human.


    Whenever I talk to someone I don't know, I say a sentence and they'll see a sentence or two and then go talk to someone else. It kills me inside when they do because it makes me feel like I can't carry on a conversation. And I'm always so quiet so I never really can carry on any conversation. I was always yelled at by people my age in school whenever I tried to get into a conversation. Even if I said a one-liner like "yeah, I like *thing* too", they'd be like "omfg, you don't know what you're talking about so shut up".

    I'm always fucking paranoid, always feeling like the little kid who no one is interested in and who people think is depressed and has no friends. I always feel like an outcast who no one thinks is a normal functioning human.

    Help?

    I don't know why the fuck I'm always so paranoid. It ruins every interaction I have with new people.
     
  2. mordelta

    mordelta Member

    Yeah, I see what you mean. I suffer from paranoia every day. It sucks so bad and drains so much energy out of me that I just want to lie down all day and hide at home. I hate myself. I hate how I think no one likes me. I get paranoid about everything I do and say. Even leaving this reply gives me a little paranoia. Dam, my life is going to hell, and there's nothing I can do.
     
  3. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Dang, man. Hope you feel better.
     
  4. saint6

    saint6 Well-Known Member

    everything that mordelta said applies to me also. my post count would be up up up. but every time i come on here i type out long/short comments all the time, then i stare at it and read it over and over for like 10 min, then usully just hit the back button. i even hit the back button once when i first started typing this.....

    stay strong. it isnt the end of the world. i used to sit alone at lunch and in my classes at school (well i still do:dry:) and i hated it so fucking much, but soon my mom talked to me that there is more to life than school and ever since i didnt care that i sat alone, i didnt care that i didnt have a lot of friends, i even now wish i had none at all i just dont give a fucking shit what anyone thinks. people they will make you shit, turn you into shit, i used to be nothing but a pile of shit untill i found something that doesnt do that to me, and now i will die for it.

    cause people prey on each other, so why trust them?



    who am i joking, i fucking care so much, i just try to hide it.................fuck


    im rambling on... so i guess ima stop now.....