Ive been here for a week or so and ive read quite a bit of what you write here. But ive been banned pretty soon cause mods around here seem to lack a sence of humor. Anyway. My dad kicked my mom out around the time i was 11. He just changed the locks on the door so she couldnt get it. My mom found a husband abroad. A wealthier, better man as it seemed. Meanwhile i got into a car accident. A pretty nasty one too since i couldnt walk for 6 months. Later she brought me here(netherlands). But it didnt last long cause my new found stepfather was an asshole to me and i wouldnt be able to apply to any university after a school i was put in. So after a bit of arguing with my mother i went back to my home country to live with my granma. Who always been a great woman. But always been a bitch too. We always had a great deal of arguments. Because of my drinking mostly. The thing is , even though i never did GREAT at school, i always did pretty good because i had big ambitions. I was hanging out with local scum mostly. But anyway, when i was 16 my granma busted me fucking my then-girlfriend on a tuesday morning(when i supposed to be at school) so after another huge argument i ended up with my mom, 2000 km away from my home country. And with her asshole husband too. Her husband turned out to be quite a smartass. He actually had a buisness of gettin wives abroad, gettin huge loans on their names and kickin em out to whatever shithole they came from. So my mom got involved with another asshole instead that convinced her that i was doing drugs or something. Anyway, lets skip 2 years, i moved out on my own as soon as i had a chance because i had no intentions of dealing with my mom and her fucked up boyfriends anymore. I worked for awhile, doing all kinds of stuff, from carpentry to crane operating. Now i study aerospace engineering. So thats where my whole issue is. During this whole fucked up life story of mine ive been through many things. And ive managed to cope with it. Phisical pain, emotional pain, separation, fear, abuse, whatever. And this whole time i had one objective: not to end up losers like my family. Thats all i asked. Thats all i lived for. To actually make something of myself for once. I never atached to anyone, never listened to anyone, ive been only living for myself. But now all those troubles just keep piling up, its just too much for me. Im tired. Im tired of struggling. Im tired of all this crap. Im so very tired. I just want to lay down and disappear. I dont want to live anymore. Its ridiculous how i much i gotto go through. Noone really gives a shit whats gona come out of me anyway. I might as well just finish it off right now. Rather than living till i turn 40 and regret all those years ive wasted. Not because i am a talentless hack but because all those fuckers out there are onto me. Ive read your stuff. <Mod Edit: Abacus21 - inappropriate, insulting and methods> Ive had it with this world. Im not afraid of dying, i almost died once in that car accident, its not that bad really. And im not even sad or anything. Im just very very tired. Cheers to mods! No way you gona get rid of me before i finish myself. Youre just makin it more of a challenge.