SO.... Here I am.

xxx is open and I'm pretty sure I'm drunk enough to xxxxxxx but I just don't want to. SOO I'm just going to go to sleep and hope tomorrow is better than today. This is an every night occurrence to me. Should I seek help or am I fine? Theres a spot right next to my vein that throbs when I look at it sometimes... I see colors when I start getting tired.. which is like 3 hours after I wake up. I'm always worn out and I'm never motivated. I don't enjoy my life and food tastes like shit. Sometimes I want to die SO BAD but t the same time.. I want to just find someone that can love me and I love them, start a family and maybe things will be okay. IDFK. I've been like this for more than 6 years and I've attempted suicide through ODing once before. Scariest thing ever.. Especially for my MOM. She doesn't deserve this and I know I don't either. I want to seek a counselor but I have a serious problem sharing my emotions without spilling into a brutal cry.. Which has only happened like 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years. No shit... There I was.. I desire nothing more than contentment and I'll continue to listen to MGMT, The XX and Tiesto till it happens. I'm so tired of being judgmental and just a total loser. Someone help me. I don't want to be dead anymore.

 

Hi you Just know you are not a loser okay You are someone who is in pain who deserves help and compassion. YOur mother loves you and wants you well so time perhaps to go into hospital and tell them how desperate you are that you need help to stay safe to get stable okay Don't suffer like this alone go to hospital ask to see a crisis team and to be admitted there you will get helpto start healing You have to tell them you are suicidal and you need help NOW.
You deserve kindness okay you are worth the fight hugs I hope you can lay off the alcohol as well because unfortunately people do not see that as a disease which it is they will judge you So dry up go to hospital and get some help okay hugs