xxx is open and I'm pretty sure I'm drunk enough to xxxxxxx but I just don't want to. SOO I'm just going to go to sleep and hope tomorrow is better than today. This is an every night occurrence to me. Should I seek help or am I fine? Theres a spot right next to my vein that throbs when I look at it sometimes... I see colors when I start getting tired.. which is like 3 hours after I wake up. I'm always worn out and I'm never motivated. I don't enjoy my life and food tastes like shit. Sometimes I want to die SO BAD but t the same time.. I want to just find someone that can love me and I love them, start a family and maybe things will be okay. IDFK. I've been like this for more than 6 years and I've attempted suicide through ODing once before. Scariest thing ever.. Especially for my MOM. She doesn't deserve this and I know I don't either. I want to seek a counselor but I have a serious problem sharing my emotions without spilling into a brutal cry.. Which has only happened like 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years. No shit... There I was.. I desire nothing more than contentment and I'll continue to listen to MGMT, The XX and Tiesto till it happens. I'm so tired of being judgmental and just a total loser. Someone help me. I don't want to be dead anymore.