I am giving this forum a shot because a friend suggested it...I'm not skeptical...just not sure its for me. I know I am depressed...seriously depressed....and I do have suicidal thoughts. But when I think about why....or I write it down or try to tell it....the problems I have just don't seem to be of a magnitude and....well....I fee like I am whining. so here it goes and you tell me..... I am a combat veteran.....I was involved in the shooting....but being there has never bothered me as much as coming back....everything is different....I am different. That was years ago though. Since then I got married.....have two beautiful kids. Which I am now lucky to see every other weekend. MY wife left me just over 14 months ago in January. Just out of the blue said she wanted out of the marriage because she wasn't happy....no other explanation. This is after a four year battle she had with cancer. I was right there the whole time. Appointments, surgery, therapy.....we even went to counseling. I know I could never understand fully what she was going through but I did whatever I had to to be supportive and be present. In February of 2013 she was declared cancer free. In July of 2013 I got very sick, I developed a heart condition called Bigeminy. I wound up in the hospital for a week the first time it was discovered. Transported by ambulance from work. She came to see me once the whole time I was in there, and didn't even bring the kids. It was devastating. Its under control now with medication but stll takes it out of me from time to time. Then in January of 2014 I went out of town for work for two weeks. working 16 hour days and no chance of getting home for a day or two in the middle. When the job finally ended I drove all night and the next day to get home to see the kids and my wife. I missed them so badly. Within minutes of me walking in the door my wife said that we needed to go for a drive so she could talk to me. Wouldn't even give me time to hug the kids and sit with them for a few minutes. So Fine...we went. That's when she hit me with that she wanted out of the marriage. Since, then I have been struggling for balance. Trying to get time with my kids and keep my job, which lately I feel is in jeopardy too. Nothing in my story is particularly bad.....or something thousands of other people haven't successfully gotten through before me. But for some reason.....I can't get over the hump. I am constantly miserable, depressed. I just want to stay in my bedroom and shut the world out. THIS ISN'T ME!!!!!!!!! I have always been a positive person. Enjoyed getting out and being with people and doing things. Now....a good day is when I am motivated to shower and eat before I go to work....and my best days are when I can get the kids.....but even then I still feel sad all the time. I don't know what to do.