Right, I need a girlfriend, its that simple. Last one cloned my credit cards and defrauded me, one before that turned into a lesbian and the one before that ended up pregnant to someone else. Now, Over the past year and a half, I have tried everything, and I literally mean every fucking thing to meet someone. I have tried everything from Neuro Linguistic Programming, Alpha status, Neg Hits, Sarging, being "there" for them, being a pussy, being a prick, bar approaches, internet dating, cold pickups, the mystery effect, being friends, being distant, being close and finally being close to blowing my fucking head off in frustration. People tell me "just be yourself" (which is what I am doing, but myself doesnt seem to work), "have faith" and "theres someone for everyone", which is basically them telling me to wait for some mystical convergance to chuck someone in my lap while i sit there miserable. At this rate I am considering making a career of my forced celebacy and joining the priesthood. I am also hideous. Seriously, im 5'9, 16 stone in weight (which is, what, about 220lbs). If its allowed by the mods, I will link to a picture. So my question is this, what the hell do I need to do? Any practical advice (as long as its not little platitudes) would be awesome.