So how does a highschool relationship work?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ExtraSoap, May 21, 2012.

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  1. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I've never been able to figure anything out on this. There are aspects to this kind of a thing that just seems to be beyond my comprehension, such as:

    A) the right amount of time spent together before you ask them out

    B) Being 'exclusive.' Apparently it's socially acceptable to date multiple people unless your in an 'exclusive' relationship. How do you know if you're 'exclusive?'

    C) How to even get time to get to know each other, like two people in different grades but in the same spanish class?

    Honestly, I'm just clueless. I have no idea how to go about anything concerning girls other than idle conversation and smartass remarks. To be honest, I kinda want to know how to get friendly with this girl in one of my classes, but she's a year younger than me (she's a sophomore) and higher than me in the social castes of high school. I mean, we listen to the same music, so maybe strike up conversation about that?
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sadly, I'm the exact opposite of an authoritative figure on this since I am well out of high school and get to get into a relationship. :(

    But I know that you are far from the only one in this situation. Please don't think that everyone else in high school is an expert on relationships and you are the only alone, awkward person there. :)

    I don't think you really could know if she would be seeing other people aside from you. Maybe she wants to keep her options open, have a backup person in case her main guy dumps her or she dumps him.
    You have to expect a certain degree of lies and secrecy in a relationship. You would likely hide things from her, but so would she. If the relationship becomes longer lasting and more deep, then hopefully both of you would become more trustful and truthful to each other.

    Good luck to you.
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hell if I know, I never had a real one. I had two "girlfriends" in high school; the only reason I asked them out was because I heard that they thought I was cute. Each "relationship" lasted about a couple of weeks, and they both ended up dumping me. This was all a long time ago, though, so maybe things are even more awkward and complicated now. I would think that it is acceptable to ask them out as soon as they express an interest. I've always heard that if you let things go for too long without asking them out, you will end up trapped in the 'friend zone'.

    I guess that when you're "dating", you're not officially exclusive. Or at least that is my understanding (this goes for adult relationships as well). But once somebody becomes your girlfriend or boyfriend, you are supposed to be exclusive. I guess the only way to know for sure is to ask the person you're dating if they're interested in being exclusive with you.

    As for getting to know each other, exchange phone numbers. Make plans to hang out with each other outside of school. If you're comfortable enough, ask them out on a date. Things may have changed a lot since I was in high school some 15 odd years ago, but I would think most of the basics would still be the same.
  4. alwayshalfway

    alwayshalfway Member

    music's definitely a good way to start.
    but personally i feel relationships should be naturally progressed, of course you have to put it into action if you're interested.
    but take it slow.
    if you think you can spend a lot of time with her and enjoy it and she can too, then i say go for it because to get to the point where you know you can be happy with her is probably the point where you would be asking her out. there's never a really set time frame because its all different.

    as for getting to know each other, that's up to you :)
    you can start out however you like but basically its just getting familiar and closer. best of luck
  5. Athnys

    Athnys Well-Known Member

    I was always advised that high school is too soon to date anyone, and that one should wait until they are settled into a career before dating. This makes sense because after college, people are generally much more mature and not so much into causing drama, whereas in high school the inevitable graduation usually splits friendships and especially relationships as people go their own ways to college or the military or right to work.

    I really think that it's in a high school student's best interest to not date or have sex at all during high school or college. Friendships are fine and great (I wish I had friends in high school), but romantic relationships are a whole different can of worms.
  6. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    @anthnys That's what I consider resisting the real world. high school is where you should get that kind of experience and become used to the concept of dating, sex, etc.

    @everyone else Thanks for the advice, now I think I can make some sense of this
  7. Athnys

    Athnys Well-Known Member

    The only reason why it could be described as the "real world" is because it is something that people commonly do such things now. It's a matter of consensus that makes it acceptable.

    Someone who does not date in high school and college or have sex is very much part of the "real world" too. Saying that someone does not live in the real world because he does not choose the more popular route is a ruse.

    There is nothing wrong with not having sex and not dating, and you do not miss anything. As a teenager it is very easy to make hasty, irrational decisions and the results can be very problematic. You are better off waiting until adulthood and are settled into a career, when you have more maturity and the capacity to make more careful decisions.

    A lot of problems our society has could be prevented if people thought twice before dropping their pants.
  8. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Yeah, but that would be going against what most people perceive as natural biological functions that they have every right to do, since we are biologically engineered to become sexually active in high school. I'm not saying you're in the wrong here, I'm just giving my perception of sex and dating. As far as I'm concerned, if someone wants to take that risk then it's their problem, so they alone should make that decision and they alone should deal with the consequences.
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