I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past year and I have a window in my room (11th floor) that I've been tempted to jump out of since around July 07, I think. These past few months, life has been really crappy and it got up to the point where I didn't even want to look at that window anymore because I'm scared that I might blank out and just jump... As suicidal as I am, I seriously would rather not die even though I really want to. (I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel) Anyway, I went bungee jumping for the first time yesterday with that darn window in mind. As soon as I got off the edge, all I could think about was that if this was for real.. it was a really crappy way to die. I'm pathetic.