So I finally jumped...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpa02, Sep 21, 2008.

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  1. mpa02

    mpa02 New Member

    I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past year and I have a window in my room (11th floor) that I've been tempted to jump out of since around July 07, I think.

    These past few months, life has been really crappy and it got up to the point where I didn't even want to look at that window anymore because I'm scared that I might blank out and just jump... As suicidal as I am, I seriously would rather not die even though I really want to. (I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel)

    Anyway, I went bungee jumping for the first time yesterday with that darn window in mind. As soon as I got off the edge, all I could think about was that if this was for real.. it was a really crappy way to die.

    I'm pathetic.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    As suicidal as I am, I seriously would rather not die even though I really want to. (I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel)


    It does make sense and I'm glad your are here posting about it.
     
  3. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    they are all really crappy ways to die. that torn feeling is your lifevest, hold on tight to it, it can keep you afloat when it feels you are moments from drowning. don't let go.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Glad to hear that you jumped while attached to a bunjee cord and not out of your bedroom window. :hug:
     
  5. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I think that bungee jump was a really good thing for you to have done. It obviously made you think "what if I was not attatched to a chord". Those thoughts you would have had, not being able to turn back, those last few seconds would have been awful.

    Your not pathetic either, I'm glad it's helped you put things into perspective.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello mpa2,
    Like the others said, I too think it was a good reality check for you! Ending your life goes against every ones grain. It is not something to do on a whim! You see from being on the forum that ppl here are concerned anytime someone is close to the edge. No one wants to see you harm yourself. Please seek out help especially a good therapist. They can shed light on your problems and teach you coping skills. Good Luck to you and I hope to be reading your posts for a long time!! Take Care!!:chopper:!!
     
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